Anger

Anger... extremely harsh.. acrid
emotions which cause acrimony
aggravate, annoy antagonise and make the blood boil
Antagonises friends to foes
Belligerent attitude, blue in the face expression, teeth chattering, bristling hair
Bitter taste of the mouth, burning brow, caustic words
Choleric conversations, churlish intonations
Coldness of heart, enraged utterances
Foaming at the mouth, frustrated with challenges
Hopping mad, infuriated ventings
Livid with outrage 
Rancorous, smoldering, vitriolic, wroth spiel

Soul

Pain.... refuses to go away
everyday is a new struggle
struggle to stay ahead
ahead of the pain
pain which debilitates
debilitates every breath
breaths which are labored and few
every breath which brings a hope for relief
leaves mocking the heart
heart which grows despondent
despondency which takes root in the bones
and grows
grows stronger embracing the soul in its cold shroud
eyes of the soul which look at the slow death from without
a sense of separation
so complete

A restless night

It was a pleasant autumn night with stars shining, a gentle breeze whispering to the leaves in the trees, trying to wake them up. She had finished with her work for the day and having slipped into her favorite pair of pyjamas  was looking forward to a well rested night. She had a busy day ahead.

Looking wistfully outside the kitchen window at the darkness, she wished it had been a weekend. This weekend was going to be relaxed for her, with her family going away. She could not accompany them due to her office work; any other time she would have felt, but of late a sense of disconnection had creeped into her.

She sighed, picked up her coffee mug and moved towards the bedroom. Her husband and son had already slipped into a world of oblivion through sleep. She envied them; the ease with which they could sleep, while she just could not sleep even with the prescribed drugs (she had long forgotten where these were lying).

Opening at the bookmarked page, she lost herself in the book. It was a soft romantic, not quite to her taste but since she had picked it up at a friend's place and had to reach the end, she settled down to read the next few chapters, before drifting off to sleep.

Finding herself dozing off, she thought she must be tired today, switched off the lights and embraced the much-awaited sleep.

She was soon dreaming of places long forgotten. Her dreams had always been vivid, with such minute details that often it seemed that she was physically present. In her dreams she visited far off places, places which seemed to have been obliterated from human memories, waiting to be rediscovered, to be visited again. Waiting, shrouded in mystery like a ghost.

She reached the gates of a big city with huge gates which were being guarded by soldiers, who were friendly and let her enter. Smiling benignly at them, she moved on exploring the houses, chatting up with the merchant and vendors in the market. They all seemed to know her and called out to her by her name. She was not surprised, this was often-stance in her dreams.

She entered a palatial house, the owner of which was not present and seemed to be waiting for a rightful owner. Gliding across the halls, she noticed that she was dressed as the lady of the house in long flowing peach colored gown. It was extremely flattering with an empire waist and a gorgeous flowing skirt. The neckline was in the shape of a V with a matching rosette. There was see-through caplet in the matching shades which made the gown more alluring. She stood and admired herself, all the real life flaws having been removed.

As soon as she started to feel hungry, servant appeared with a tray full of food of her liking. She sat down to a sumptuous and decadent meal, which started with juicy fruits and finished with the choices of sweetmeats. Having gorged herself with food, she felted sated and drifted off to sleep.

She was deep in her dream sleep when she felt someone standing near her. She felt a chill run down her spine, tried to open her eyes, but they seemed to have been fused shut. She turned over, the feeling having passed, she settled back into her dream sleep. She felt a talon like finger moving towards her face, tried to move but found herself unable to move. She struggled to move away from the hand.

The finger became a long nail which moved agonisingly slowly across her face, seeming to be caressing her. She was repulsed but failed to do anything. She wreathed away.

The talon like finger was replaced with a leathery feeling tongue, when she woke up and found herself back in the safety of her room, with her son and husband sleeping soundly. She felt the spot in the centre of her forehead tingling and her breath shallow and hard, as if she had been running a mile. She touched her forehead to calm herself, came back with a sweaty palm. She closed her eyes, as soon as the lids closed, they flew open, when she saw a man dressed in yellow with a sinister smile on his face which had a scar running across from just below the centre of the eye to the other side of the chin.

Her heart jumped trying to escape from her chest. It was too real to be just another dream. She sat up, scared to close her eyes, fearing the sinister smile. She stayed up for some time and just as she closed her eyes, there he was leaning against the same tree, waiting for her, mocking her, knowing that soon she would close her eyes.

She tried to get her mind away from the nightmare, and tried to immerse herself in the novel. The leery lopsided smile seemed to jump at her from the pages; she could feel the impatience of the owner of the smile at being denied an entry to the place she was at. He seemed to be hanging just outside the boundary of awareness.

Try as hard as she could, she found herself surrendering to the sleep. He was there, yellow teeth breaking into a smile with drool flowing from the corner of his mouth. He looked at her with his black beady eyes, shuffling closer to her. This time she was ready, so ready for this.

She thought of a dagger which appeared in her hand. He seemed to be aware of her thoughts, snickered at her feeble attempt and wished the dagger away. She felt helpless, and tried to run away to the safety of her room, back to the safety of knowing of her world.

She stepped back, found herself frozen to the spot, looking in horror at the fast approaching figure of her nightmare. She knew there was no escape this time, realising how many times he had followed her across her so many dreams, always on the outside, waiting for a chance when her guard was down.

She prayed that something would wake her up from this nightmare and closed her eyes.

Raoul - Part 13

Earlier

The car stopped in front of a sad building which at one time had had a proud facade. Raoul and Lyana stepped out with trepidation  an ominous boding telling them that there was something amiss. They shared a nervous look, moved towards the entrance of the building  The building had once been pristine white but the vagaries of time had peeled off the colour and now it stood lamenting its own loss, reaching a point of no concern.

They looked at each other and with an almost imperceptible nod, moved inside the building. The interior was dark; took some time for their eyes to adjust to the darkness. Raoul moved with caution holding on to Lyana's hand instinctively. They could hear people breathing at the fringes of the light, a muffled cough, whimpering, but were not able to see any recognisable human form. Lyana clutched on to Raoul's hand, cursing herself for acting brave and trying to protect a cousin who had been given upon by everyone. They reached the suspiciously rickety looking stairs , shuffling through the long corridor in near darkness.

As they climbed the stairs, Raoul cursed under his breath for having listened and agreed (!?!) to Lyana's idea of trying to discover the truth from her cousin. He muttered, 'This is what you get from trying to reach the truth. When will you learn, Raoul.. when will you learn!! All these years should have made me wiser, but do I ever learn!?'

Lyana pressed on his hand, tugged at him, pointing towards a room which had a threadbare door protecting whatever was inside. Raoul looked at Lyana who motioned with her head that her cousin was supposed to be in the room. Raoul knocked on the door or what was left of the door. Getting no answer from inside, Raoul pushed the door which opened with a creak and fell down with a huge thud making the whole building quiver and shake to the foundations.

Peering within the room, Raoul called out for door, 'Masud, are you there? This is Raoul and Lyana'. There was a small voice from one corner of the room, 'I am here. Its nice to be visited by you. Instead of coming you should have asked me to come over.' As the sentences formed, a figure seemed to detach itself from the dark and form into what seemed to be Masud. Raoul found his hand being pumped vigorously By Masud. Skipping over the niceties, Raoul asked him to accompany them to a barista in the neighbourhood.

.... to be continued... 

Faith in God

My relation with God has been strange and tumultuous at times but one which started as a child. I remember holding on to my Nani's hand on cold foggy mornings and walking through the long meandering dusty fields, with her chanting the bhajan in her lilting voice. I was awestruck by the fragrance of sandalwood and the bhabhoot which was made by the constantly burning kund in front of a huge idol of Lord Shiva, sitting with his third eye closed and his one hand raised to bless. His face had a serene look which always gave me a reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

I looked forward to going to Nani's house not only because it meant that I had the time of my life with cousins but also due to visits to temple. With time the hand holding on to my hand changed from that if Nani to Mamu to finally Mami but every time I went I was reassured with the smile of benevolence and I came back feeling bliss.

As I grew up, my mother ensured that things went on smoothly with me reading  everyday for a few of the kids of our neighbourhood (I am sure they must have been wondering if I was indeed as sane as I seemed), most of them a few years younger to me from the mythology books. It was something I enjoyed and helped in making my belief stronger in a greater force over looking at the welfare of everyone.

The relation between me and Him soured not much later as I felt that I had been abandoned by Him. I was unable to understand as to how someone who is supposed to be benevolent be immune and non-responsive to so many fervent appeals for help. I decided if He did not want to be on my side, well, I too did not want to be in the same corner. I continued visiting temple but never again did I talk to Him there; for that I waited till the nightfall when I had a daily conversation which actually often started with a Hello and went on with my ramblings for quite some time. He never replied so I came to the decision that He did not exist. Blasphemous.... May be but at the time it made perfect sense.

The distance grew but there was always a hope that He was nearby; how else could I rationalize the sanity at the end of the days. There were many an instances of an 'out of skin' experience which could not be explained and at such times I just sent a prayer hoping it would be heard if not answered.

There was a time when I lost faith and stopped all communications and was uncomfortable around people who believed and still held onto their faith. I looked at such people with a visible disdain. After fighting against the faith one night (I have a habit of analyzing the day gone before sleeping) it just dawned on me that all these years He had been by my side, in the form of family, friends and myself. Often I had gone to the edge of the precipice when things had seemed bleak and every time there had been a helping hand, a shoulder to lean on, a thought which had come as a support.

Though still not able to visit the places of worship on a regular basis, it has become second nature for me to talk to Him regularly. It is good to feel that you have God backing you all the way.

Hero: Born or made

The two news which have been featured in many of the print and visual media in the recent past have been the fight for survival by the Pakistani girl, Malala Yousufzai, after she had been shot by the Taliban for showing a determination to stand for her convictions; and the other is that of Ashok Khemka who has been unfortunately shunted from one posting to the other for doing what is his duty; being sincere to his job.

Both of them had the courage to stand for what they believed in, how many of us can say that for us. The attitude that we as a Nation have developed is that of 'chalta hai' (it's okay) as is seen and heard in a popular ad on the TV. 

From being a Nation who stood against the might of the British Empire (even if it was a delayed attempt) we have become a Nation of people who are ready to kowtow to any and everyone. Is it because of the long years our country had spent in servitude that we are unable to develop a backbone - a spine which can allow us to stand up for our rights; to demand with authority what rightfully belongs to us.

The attitude of 'chalta hai' has infected all parts of our society and life, from paying for a ticket in black to watch a movie, jumping a line to pay a bill, jumping traffic lights putting not self but other lives at risk, throwing garbage out of the car while on a highway.. all falls in the category of 'chalta hai' , and the person who tries to follow the norms is seen as a person from another planet... the poor soul has to bear many a brunt of jokes, be ready to be subjected to ridicule.

Few of the courageous souls are able to stay on the chosen path while may waver and fall by the side, joining the milling crowd of humanity to become one of the chorus singers of 'chalta hai'

What is it that separates the heroes from the crowd? Is it something which is inherited or is it due to the courage and conviction which is developed? 

If it was all in the genes, then would it not be possible for all the members of a family to be heroes, but how many of us have seen anything like that. It requires grit to give up the luxury of being able to satisfy the need of belonging that gnaws at the innards of a human. Often, the circumstances make heroes of people who are normal by forcing them to make a choice. The choice made determines the Hero.

In the case of Malala Yousufzai and Ashok Khemka it was the circumstances that made them Heroes, a source of inspiration for the rest of the mere mortals. The circumstances presented them with choices where they could have either given in or could have stood up and fight back. They chose the later, creating history along the way.

It is imperative that the spirit that both of them have shown is appreciated and is not forgotten once the headlines decide to move on to a new Hero.

Fear of the Unknown

We as humans are a race which likes to conquer the farthest corners of the universe, be without fear to face the unknown, face it with a courage that the unknown is forced down on its knees cowering with fear... that relentless and fearless our we, humans. Is it?

There are many a phenomena that the human mind still has to discover, analyse and understand, from why the structures of chloroplast and hemoglobin have an uncanny similarity, to the role the gene pool plays in the defining of a person (all topics for another day).

One phenomenon which has often caused a fear in the human psyche and has made many of us a bumbling idiot is the small talk with a stranger. We can talk for hours to people we have got to know over the years about the most inane of things, share the most personal of our life details with them; often not worrying whether the other person is still interested or not.

Most of us are able to chat up with strangers if it does not involve having a meaningful conversation. We can go and carry out a normal transaction at the newly opened neighborhood shop, sniffing at the air, trying to find out the value of the place for self on a day to day basis. But when the conversations and interactions are required for a social event, we tend to dry up fast with the topics to discuss. The 'safe topics' for conversations such as the weather, the headlines of the day, the latest movies, music etc. soon loose the sheen.

Why, why do we tend to remain all bottled up when we can extend a smile and a few words could make the person a friend from someone we had met somewhere? Is it because we fear to be judged, or is it because we fear that the other person may take something we say or do as an offence or is it more due to the fact that we would rather keep up the walls around us at any cost.

Often it is due to the walls we keep on building around us that make it difficult for us to have a human approach to the others. There are many a prejudices, the hurt, the guilt, the pangs of jealousy that we have faced at another time, another person that cause us to act in a certain manner. The walls that have grown as a result of a self-preservation mechanism that all organisms have, humans inclusive.

Yes, unfortunately, even when we tend to think of ourselves as the God's favored ones, we really are just part of a bigger scheme with a limited role in it.

The self -preservation or the vanity that humans have makes us fear the unknown.

If one observes a child,  it is seen that s(he) is not afraid of anything, loves to explore every nook and corner with glee. No fear. It is often the parents who put the fear in a child's heart, be it the fear of the dark (with warnings, there is a monster) or be it the fear of heights (be careful, you'll hurt yourself).

Why do we tend to do that? Is it because we want to save our child the pains that we had gone through growing up or is it because we want to known and seen as the perfect parent? Whatever it might be, we often end up scarring the child for life with our fears.

Once we are able to overcome this fear of the unknown, we would be able to break down the walls we build around us and would find it easier to be more trusting and forthcoming in our day to day life.

Rapture

the state I am in these days. If someone was to ask me the reason I might not be able to explain in words. Is it a state of mind? Am I in a happy place these days? Or are these the after-effects of the dosage of valium that I took to numb the pain due to a sudden neck spasm!!

The world looks a little less gray, green appears a little more vibrant hue of green.

The rain seems more happy, no sad songs to accompany the downpour. The walks in the rain are less contemplative, observing the raindrops sliding down the leaves to join the eagerly waiting puddle at the bottom of the tree is a priority.

The songs sound more melodious, a spring in the step, ready to do an impromptu jig in the market on hearing the familiar lyrics!

There is a sense of calm, a feeling of being at peace. The feeling that conveys the oneness with the without and within; insinuates at a kinship which is just beginning to unfold... and No.. I am not loosing my marbles!! Am not talking through my hat!

A consciousness of vitality of self, of the self being harmonious with the macrocosm.

Good / Evil

Good and evil are often taken to be two counter views and are believed not to co-exist. This unfortunately is a very simplistic outlook to a problem which has often confounded humans from times immemorial. The most evil of us are also known to show kindness towards the ones we like; even the most hardened criminal shows empathy for his or her kin. 

Good and evil are two sides of the same coin. Good cannot exist without the evil, evil cannot exist without the good. When we try and separate the two terms so as to make them independent of each-other, these loose the identity. According to the Vedanta philosophers, the difference between good and evil is not so much as of the 'kind' but more of the 'degree' (something which is similar to the difference between light and darkness, which in turn are often cited as an example for differentiating between good and evil... when there is absence of light, darkness is said to exist)

Something which appears to be good to one person may seem like evil to another or what appears to be good in one situation may be evil in another. Water, the giver of life can turn destructive and destroy everything in its path, if its energy is not harnessed. 

Who determines what is good and what is evil? Good and evil are determined by us, our minds; if it fulfills our needs and makes us feel satisfied, it is said to be good. If it is unable to do any good for us, it is termed as evil. It becomes essential for us to look at the 'big picture' or the 'whole picture' before we define something as good or evil. All of us are capable of both good and evil. 

All the religions of the world have varying definitions for the concepts of good and evil. According to Buddhism, good is the fundamental nature of enlightenment or the freedom which results from the knowledge of 'self'; evil is the delusion which human minds and hearts face causing a negation of the potential for enlightenment and suffering for self and others. 

According to the Hindu mythology, Lord Siva, had drunk the poison (which is meant to represent the evil of the world) in order to bring back the good in the world. Lord Siva is said to be the lord of death and destruction... but without the death can there be birth.. without destruction can there be synergy... No, without one the other is incomplete. Similarly, good and evil co-exist in nature.... the meek looking sparrow feeds on the insects.. making it evil? 

While Hitler has been disgraced as the most foul evil to walk the Earth, Asoka (a famed Indian king) has been celebrated as a great hero. The difference between the two... while former had not repented for his actions, the latter had... so is repentance is the key difference between good and evil.
I think not. The difference lies in realization and taking the responsibility of the actions taken. 

Raoul - Part 12

Earlier

Lyana looked at Raoul, hoping for a solution to spring to her mind which would help them out of the mess. She tried to speak, spread her hands and raising her shoulders shrugged indicating that she was out of any ideas or thoughts. Raoul looked at her with a pained expression, they both spoke at almost the same instant, 'Let's sleep on the problem, and may be we can reach some consensus.'

Morning the next day was not a cheerful one for both of them as the night before had been spent tossing and turning. Swollen eyed and irritated they both looked at each other across the dining table sipping on the morning cup of java.

Raising his eyes inquiringly Raoul asked Lyana, 'Well! any thoughts since I am out of these just like my cup of coffee.' Lyana smiled at the humour Raoul was trying to inject into the situation, after pondering fro some time, she spoke, 'Let's go and talk to him, I can't think of anything else.'

Nodding his head in agreement, Raoul quickly got dressed and after getting the kids ready for school, they both paid a much-needed visit to Lyana's cousin. The house was situated on the outskirts of the city, n area which at one time had shown promises of being a source of hope for the population and had caused a mad rush of humanity to the area, which had been due to the boom in the economy of the time. As soon as economy showed signs of slipping into an abyss, people who had invested in the hopes of building a future full of riches found themselves looking at their empty hands.

They all tried to hang onto the hope of a better tomorrow, grew bitter with a government which had shown them the promised land and had abandoned them to the market. They all moved out leaving the desolate houses waiting for their owners to come back. The buildings stood waiting, unmoving, giving in to the vagaries of the time, loosing their fight to stay cheerful, became areas of nefarious activities, welcoming whoever came to populate them, wishing that the occupants would restore them to their pristine level, surrendering to their defeat.

The area was now a safe haven for the floating population which is shirked by the larger society. Lyana's cousin had made a voluntary choice of becoming a part of the floating population in the idealistic dream of trying to uplift them. A dream which had often been the cause of much grief to his parents and family.

It was to this area that Raoul and Lyana had planned to go. They were both hoping that the fears gnawing at their insides would be baseless and they would not have to be the ones carrying the news which would cause more grief to the family.

Raoul - Part 11

Earlier
After sometime, Lyana called out to Raoul, ' Would you please stop moving around? It is very disturbing to say the least'. Raoul looked at her and replied, 'I'll be gone for a few minutes, would come back soon'. Lyana gave him a quizzical glance and asked him, 'Where are you off to?' Let's sit, try and work it out.' Raoul sighed and responded, 'I need to give both of us some breathing time. I'll be back and I promise... nothing stupid', ending the sentence with a half-hearted smile.

Lyana stood looking at the retreating back of Raoul. This was the first time in their marriage tat Raoul had walked out of the house during a confrontation.

Lyana sat down and thought hard about the day. Suddenly she realised that her cousin had borrowed the car for some time tat day telling her that it was an emergency which required that the car be utilized since the cousin's own car was in the garage. Since this had been something which was commonplace between the two of them, Lyana had happily agreed.

The cousin had returned the car after about two hours, specifically mentioning that the car's tank had been refilled, since it had seen too much mileage for the day. Lyana had taken it as part of the general inane conversations often shared by people in order to explain themselves and had not given it much importance.
She knew her cousin to have idealistic inclinations but had never imagined that it could ever translate into a criminalised approach to things.

Of late, for sure, their conversations had tended to get heated with her cousin loosing the cool and venting all the pent up frustrations for opportunities lost on the government. According to her cousin, all the problems being faced by the native of the country could e resolved if only the Government was more sympathetic. Their local culture and values were being degraded in the name of becoming modern and living up with the times.

Lyana was still going over the conversations between herself and the cousin when Raoul entered. He appeared calm and and at peace with himself. Lyana looked at him and asked her to sit down next to her. Raoul sat down, looked at her, Lyana spoke, 'It might have been possible that the car was indeed used in the attempted heist. It had been taken by my cousin for a short while, which had become a few hours. I did not pay much heed since I was busy with my friend and given the traffic these days, it did not seem out of place.'

Raoul leaped up from his seat, digging out his phone from the pocket. He was about the punch the speed-dial, when Lyana stopped him, 'If my cousin was involved, calling up to confirm would only result in being more conscious on the cousin's part. And, if it turns out to be not the case, we might just end up loosing a good friend.'

He gave it some thought, and kept the phone on the table in front. Spreading his hands, he questioned her, 'Okay, so what do you suggest?'

.....to be continued....

Raoul - Part 10

Earlier
Lyana stared at Raoul, all the colour drained from her face. She stood gaping at him. Raoul finally lost his battle against his anger and had features which were in a contrast to Lyana's. His eye were blazing and seemed to be boring through Lyana.

Lyana could not think of anything to speak of which would help her to understand what Raoul had been implying at. Regaining her composure after a long time, she asked Raoul, 'What do you mean my car was the get-away vehicle? Do you even understand the implications of what you are saying? You are accusing me of something which I have no knowledge of!!'

Raoul spread his hands and said, 'I am saying what I have got to know. There is a story I have been working  upon and I found out that the car used belonged to us. All I want to know is, how much is your involvement in everything.'

Raoul thought to himself, 'I had never thought that my mystery/ adventure story is going to turn into a family drama... ' Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he looked at Lyana for an answer.

Their eyes were locked for a long time, each trying to make sense of what was happening and not succeeding. Finally Lyana asked, 'When did this so called incident happen which somehow involves me?' 

Raoul was relieved, he had always known that Lyana could not do anything like this, but he still had to be sure that he had been right in the choices he had made. Raoul told her that it had been a couple of days back, the same day that she had asked for Amelia to look after the kids.

Lyana tried to recall the events of that day and what she had been doing that day. She concentrated on recalling the minutest of details, which given the tendency of her forgetting what she had for breakfast, was indeed a difficult task. Her brain worked over-time trying to re-play a movie of the day's events.

Raoul paced in the room, feeling it difficult to stay calm any more. After about five minutes of waiting he said, 'And... what have you been able to recall by now.' Lyana looked at him and relied with a surprised and hurt look, which conveyed that she did not expect Raoul to behave as he was.

Raoul recoiled from the look and told her to take her time and continued with his restless pacing.

..... to be continued...Raoul-11

Raoul - Part 9

Earlier
Pacing in the passage outside his office Raoul wracked his brain for a way out of the mess he seemed to have landed himself. He had lost the only clue he had, he had just barely been able to save the statue, he was staring at a possible loss of job not to mention a loss of professional credibility. He had to find a way out, at any cost.

His phone rang, he was elated when he noticed that it was  Ashraf. He skipped the greetings and asked Ahsraf if he had any good news. Ashraf replied, "Well! What do you think?"

Raoul said, "If I know you, you definitely have the information I had asked for!!"

Ashraf replied, "Oh ho.. I like the confidence you have in me. Hmm.. Well in that case, I should not disappoint you, I have found the details you had wanted. I had to do some major search, but you do know me, I nailed the damn thing."

Raoul said, "Don't let the curiosity get the better of the cat. Tell me what did you find out."

Ashraf replied jovially, "I found out that the car is registered in your name or rather in Lyana's name. Why in the world did you send me on a merry-go-round chase when it was you own car! Sometimes I really don't know what you are doing!!"

Raoul stood rooted to his spot, his mind racing ahead of him, questioning him, how could this be possible. Was it really possible that Lyana was involved? But why? Why would Lyana be involved in an attempted robbery?

He made up an excuse of trying to see if Ashraf was still the genius that he claims to be and disconnected to be gripped by the questions in his mind. He knew he had to reach home and ask Lyana the reason for the deception.

He slipped out and on reaching home, opened the door with his key. He called out to Lyana and recieved no reply; looking at his watch he realized that she must have gone to pick the kids from school. He sat down switching on the TV and absently watching the channels as he surfed from one channel to another trying to focus on what he had become aware of.

The door bell rang shortly announcing the return of Lyana with the kids in tow. Raoul tried to keep his nager and hurt under control and asked her in what he hoped was a normal voice, "Where have you been?"

Lyana replied, "I had gone to pick the kids and before that had gone to check up in that friend with whom I had been the day before. Why are you home so soon? Is everything okay?", concern obvious from her face.

Raoul ignored her questions and asked her, "That reminds me, how is your friend. Where does she live?"

Lyana unaware of the turmoil he was facing replied, "I did tell you that she stays with her mom at least for the time being with her marriage in trouble. She is doing better."

Raoul continued, "How did you spend the day?"

Lyana raised her eyebrows at the unexpected turn the questions were taking, but did not say anything, hoping it was just a way for her husband to distract his mind from the case he had been working upon. Se replied, "I was majorly home, but had got a call from the Society and had told them that I'd drop by, so had gone there before picking up the kids."

Raoul nodded his head and asked her, "Where were you on the day you had gone to meet your friend after dropping the kids at Aileen?"

Lyana stopped doing what she was doing, turned around and asked him, "What is it that you want to ask? Why don't you just ask it? Stop wavering."

Raoul said, "I am not wavering. I want to know where and how did you spend the day when you were supposed to be with your friend."

Lyana said, "I told you I had gone to her place and was there only...." Raoul interjected, his patience running thin, ".. and my car had decided to go to the Museum and be there. On its way it also picked up a passneger, or rather a driver to take it there."

Lyana said, "What are you speaking about? I have absolutely no idea. My car was with me for the whole day except when Azeez had come down to borrow it for some time. No harm in lending the car to my brother, is there?"

Raoul realxed hearing that it was not Lyana that was present in the car. He asked her, "Why did he need your car when he has his own? Why did you not tell me?"

Lyana flustered, "Well I did not know that I had to run everything by you before doing anything. Should I also require to ask if I can breathe?"

Raoul said, "Lyana, there was an attempt on stealing the 'Standing Buddha' statue from the museum and your car was used as the get-away vehicle."

.... to be continued... Raoul - 10

Raoul - Part 8

Earlier
Omar's face bore a shocked expression. He did not move for quite some time making Raoul feel all the more guilty about what he had done. Omar started to ask him something, went silent, and started again. He asked Raoul, 'What were you thinking? Why did you not tell me in the beginning, we could have taken preventive measures or you were after a story?'

One look at Raoul's face confirmed what Omar was accusing him of. Omar groaned, 'Allah! Don't show me such things in this age! I have worked hard for reaching where I am!'

Even though he was speaking to self, Raoul cringed when he heard the words and realised his mistake once again. He wanted to say something to assuage Omar, but was unable to find any words which could justify. He stood there, thinking of his folly, but he also knew that there was indeed a story in all of this, which would make it to the front pages. For once, he wanted to be selfish.

He forced himself to speak, 'Well, I will be honest. Yes. I did think of it from the point of view of the journalist  in me and no, I am not sorry for what I have done. Nothing was stolen, and you yourself have admitted that the security here is pretty lax. May be you can use this as a leverage for arranging better security arrangement, you know, shake up the bureaucracy a bit, no harm in that.'

Omar got thinking, 'What Raoul was saying was not entirely wrong and may be, just may be it could actually help me.' Relief spread over his face, Raoul picked up the subtle change in Omar's expressions and breathed a silent sigh of relief. He really did not want to loose out on the opportunity of coming to the 'crime scene' again.

Omar smiled, 'Hmm! May be that could actually work, but that does not mean that I am letting you go so easily. I would need you to work on this case and try to solve it as soon as possible. This is going to give me sleepless nights till then. I tell you, never in my working career has this kind of thing happened with me. Imagine, trying to steal in broad day light. What were they thinking?'  His confidence was increasing with each word he spoke as if hearing his own thoughts out loud was actually setting things right.

Raoul smiled inwardly to himself, thanking his stars that Omar still wanted him to work and that did actually solve his problem of gaining access to the museum. He assured Omar, 'Don't worry I do have a few other leads regarding the case and would definitely be tying up the ends very soon. I am this close', gesturing with his hands to indicate that he was indeed very close. 

He knew it was a bluff, but all he wanted right now was for Omar to believe him.

...to be continued...Raoul -9

Sketch of an Oak

Sketch I made today, felt like taking a break from story-sessions.. :) Don't know if it has come out good or not, I enjoyed making this.

Raoul - Part 7

Earlier
He was eating his dinner absent-minded, with his mind occupied with the progress he had made in finding the possible identity of the mystery 'musketeer' as he had come to call him. He had found that in one of the pictures the license plate was caught partially and he had the last four numbers along with the model and make of the car, he felt hopeful of narrowing down the list of suspects.  He had already had a word with his friend, Ashraf, in the Registration & Licensing Department, and he had assured that he would definitely give him something to work upon by the next day. Raoul thought that if it had been before the era of computers and networking, Ashraf's reply possibly would have been that he would tell him in a week or two; Raoul was amazed with the progress things had made.

He felt a sudden silence on the dining table and found the kids and Lyana staring at him. He raised his eyebrows quizzically and Lyana repeated her question, 'What are time should I drop the kids? apa yang awak fikirkan (what are you thinking?)' She had a habit of speaking in her native Malay language when she was disturbed or may be to emphasize a point she was making.

Roaul shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Aileen would expect you to be there at 10, try and not be late. You do know, how she starts to hyper-ventilate if anyone is late from the time decided!'.

Lyana chuckled, 'Darling! Could you not drop the kids? I need to be out early.'

Raoul gave her an angry look and told her, 'I've made the arrangements, I am working tomorrow, so you'd better be there'.

Lyana was taken aback; Raoul was usually not this aggressive. She realised it must be the case he was working upon, that had him on the edge and replied, 'Don't worry! I'll be there to drop the kids.'

He was a little upset with himself for being so blunt, but decided to let this one go.

Next day

Raoul had reached Omar's office early in the day, and after making the usual courtesies, he made an excuse about wanting to take down some details about the displays and was standing on the same spot as the previous day in order to stop the probable 'heist' which was being planned. He was not expecting too many footfalls to the museum like the rest of the days, making it easy for him to spot his 'three musketeers'. He was still waiting for the call from Ashraf which should be coming in at any time soon.

He knew today was going to a day requiring patience, attention and concentration. He had had a light breakfast to go along with the day's needs.

After standing at the spot for about an hour, he supposed it would be safe to actually see some of the artifacts displayed, who knows, he might just write an article on Bujang Valley. He made sure that the main entrance of the museum was visible to him from all the angles. He was half-way through his tour when he saw movement through the side of his eyes. He quickly ducked behind a display to avoid being noticed.

He noted that it was indeed his three musketeers, Anees, Hanif and the mystery man, who was dressed in a similar manner as the last time. It was the third man he was more interested; he had to find the identity of the man to get to the root of the problem.

The three moved towards the display of 'Standing Buddha'; taking advantage of the fact that they were preoccupied with the attempt at stealing the statue, Raoul quickly moved towards the display making sure he was not visible. Raoul had the advantage of taking a tour of the place, which made him reach the display earlier and just as Hanif was about to reach out to grab the statue, Raoul sprang on him, snatching the statue from his hand.

For a moment, all four were rooted to their spots; the 'three musketeers' shocked and Raoul trying to get a better look at the mystery man. Regaining their wits, the two of them made a dash for the door, while Hanif was clearly looking scared. He had not expected to be trapped, trying to wrestle himself free from Raoul, both of them fell on the floor. This somehow motivated the assistants at the museum to come out of their state of stupor and they joined the fray, not knowing who was to be detained. Taking advantage of the chaos, Hanif managed to slip out Raoul's grip and made a mad dash to join his cohorts. By the time Raoul made the two assistants understand what was happening, the 'three musketeers' were long gone and Raoul was no richer in his information about them.

He was frustrated with himself. He now had to wait for Ashraf to call and tell him any possible clues about the identity. He knew that with a failed attempt at their back, the next time 'three musketeers' would be more careful.

Omar had come out of the confines of his office and wanted some clarifications from Raoul. Raoul ran his hand through his thinning hair and cursed himself inwardly for not taking Omar in confidence earlier. Spreading his hands, he moved along with Omar to his office, telling him about what had happened.

...to be continued.. Raoul -8

Raoul - Part 6

Earlier
He was jolted out of his reveries by the ringing of the phone. It was becoming a regular thing, Lyana calling him. She called him to tell him that there was an emergency with one of her friends which required her to be away from home for the next day. She wanted to call over Raoul's sister for baby-sitting or to drop her kids at her place. Raoul was baffled with the conversation since neither Lyana nor his sister, Aileen were able to get along with each-other. Rather it could be said that they hardly saw eye-to-eye on any thing under the sun.

He sighed and gave in to Lyana's demand since he was more occupied to find out more about the 'Standing Buddha' case and he found Lyana irritating. He told her, 'Dear! If you think it is okay and if Aileen has no issues, leave the kids with her for the day. I would not be able to help you out this time. You are on your own here. I have a case I am working upon.' 

He felt Lyana wilt on the other side of the phone and felt sorry for the turn the conversation was taking. Trying to assuage her feelings, he interjected, 'Leave them there. I'll check-up upon them, and don't worry, Aileen does like to spend time with the kids. I'll call her and try to work it out for you'. 

Lyana replied in her cheery voice, 'Thanks, Darling! I Knew I could always rely upon you for to come through for me.' 

Raoul smiled and speed-dialed Aileen's number after Lyana disconnected. Not someone for a small talk, Aileen jumped straight into the conversation, picking up from where they had left the last time, making it sometimes difficult for Raoul to follow the conversation. Aileen asked him about the progress he had made in the last report he had been working upon. Raoul felt bummed out having to explain to his sistre that the report had been scrapped after he had put in his sweat into it. 'Aileen has a way of asking the wrong questions, may be at the right time, but she does have an uncanny ability', Raoul thought to himself.

Aileen continued with her one-sided conversation asking about everything that was possibly happening in is life from his kids to his attempts at elusive promotion at work. Raoul knew to get in his own word, he would have to catch her off-guard, "How is your work with the new clients coming along?", he asked her remembering that the last time she had told him of trying to finalize the deal with a company for designing their office. 

Aileen told him that she was already working on the project and was finding it challenging but invigorating. Raoul was proud of his sister, an elder sibling. They had grown together with the usual fights and camaraderie in siblings and knew the good and bad of each-other. While Aileen had been successful in all her endeavors from childhood, Raoul had always struggled to attain success.  Shaking the thoughts away, he took his chance to ask Aileen if Lyana could drop the kids with her for the next day. 

Aileen thought it over and told him, 'Umm! I am home tomorrow, the material required for working would be coming in by evening so I am free in the morning. I'd be happy to keep the kids. Would you be dropping them or would Lyana be coming over?

Raoul told her, 'It'd be easier for Lyana to come, but if you want I can come over, although I am in the middle of a case and might not be able to make it.', hoping that Aileen would agree for Lyana to drop the kids. Aileen said, 'No hassles, you or Lyana.. what difference would it make? I like to spend time with your kids. Either of you, but just ensure that you are not late or keep me waiting.'

He disconnected breathing a sigh of relief having taken care of the kids for the next day. He texted Lyana informing about Aileen's reply and also for her to drop the kids by 10 in the morning. Whatever Aileen was, she was not a morning person and would not be up before 9, so 10 was a safe time.

Getting back to the office, Raoul spread the pictures he had got developed along with the notes he had made with Omar and any other information he had been able to glean regarding the case. Squinting his eye, he tried to focus on the clues spread out in from of him. He could feel that there was something he knew but was missing out upon; something which was glaring at him, but he was not able to put his finger on it. 

Glancing at pictures, he suddenly froze and could not move for a second, he could not believe what he was seeing; it had been in front of him all the time, but it was a difficult thing to believe and his sub-conscious had probably decided to make him ignore it.

He was frozen, his heart thumping against his chest with what he had seen.. he seemed to have unraveled the mystery man from the 'three musketeers'. He could not believe it, he seemed to know the 'person'. He stood rooted to his spot thinking about what to do next, torn between the decision to be made.

... to be continued... Raoul - 7

Inspirations

Inspiration.. a word which is defined as 'stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity'.. generally the source of stimulation is an outside source at least for me.. It may be a piece of journalistic article I have read... it may be a moving picture I have seen or it may even be a conversation!

I often find myself in an 'inspired' state of emotions when I am facing an inner turmoil.. which usually gets my senses to a heightened level.. I tend to observe better.. my words seem more in sync with each other.. my thoughts are focused.... not wavering... emotions get under control.. I am able to channelize myself and the biggest plus point that I achieve is the so called 'brain fog' as a consequence of thyroid tends to go poof!!

I love to be inspired... so here's to being inspired 24 X 7! 

Flights of thoughts...

A couple of days back there had been a workshop on stress management in our school (which by the way we need almost on an hourly basis... these once in a blue moon kinds do not really work for us...!!) Anyways, so this person who had come to take the workshop had asked a question about the thoughts and the tendency of the thoughts to be all over the place.

As was bound to happen, most of us found ourselves thinking about the things he was referring to.. such as where do you stay.. how do you come to school.. and as generally does happen.. I found myself picturing the whole route from my home to workplace... (Ah!! but then that is what any normal human being would do... what... picturing the whole journey from home to work.. and for what.. because someone had asked how do you come to work.. don't tell me that was not something you were doing!)

We all often find ourselves bound by our thoughts.. no it is not the 'feelings'.. the much abused part of our emotions but the thoughts which captivate us.. which tend to take us away from the intended path for the moment. I totally agree to the reasoning that you are what you think. (Right! like that makes it all easy?!) No it does not.. who can understand this better than someone who has been struggling to control how I think.. what thoughts I allow my conscious and sub-conscious to permeate.. It is a Herculean task to say the least.. to say the least.

Of very recent, what I have started to do is if a thought is bothering me so much as to paralyze me.. I write it down.. that let's me look at it in black and white and realize that it is definitely not worth the head-ache.. (Yes.. I do get head-aches from my thoughts.. imagine and they have no existence beyond your brain... talk about presence..) I am not sure it would work as a long term measure but for now I am satisfied (and that is a feeling not a thought)

Apathy

I wonder what makes us a human race to be so insensitive to the tortures we inflict upon the other members of the Earth, may these be the small creatures like the birds; sparrows, kites, or the big graceful creatures like the elephant or the dangerous predators like the shark. We are always hunting these down for our fun and pleasure. If it is not for fun then it is for the 'economic' viability of trade that these animals offer.

We come across many articles in the course of day wherein the man as the superior being indulges in the sale purchase of the lesser species. In fact it is not even frowned upon now. From the milch cattle to the latest 'fad' pet every specie is available for a price. What we can not sell as living being, we kill, slaughter ruthlessly and then feel no remorse in selling the body parts.. piecemeal... giving no peace even in death to the animal.

We pride ourselves to be the superior race.. in what way are we superior.. that we can trap them.. we can breed them in captivity.. we can kill.. maim or hunt them.

Often I wonder, how would we feel if it was ever to happen that the tables were turned and the 'weak' species were able to trade the humans.. Would we still feel the apathy or would it raise our heckles enough to take out rallies against the ferocious animals...

Raoul - Part 5

Earlier
Raoul called up Omar as soon as he was out of the home after dropping the kids with Lyana coming back. He made up a story about trying to find about the Buddhist sculptures which had been found in the Bujang Valley and wanting some information about a few sculptures. Omar invited him to come over in his cheerful voice. Putting the car in the traffic moving towards the Bujang valley, he could not but think about the events of the last two days.

He was puzzled as to why anyone would be interested in a sculpture which had been discovered way back in 1941. He had found out in his research at the library that the 'Standing Buddha' had been shifted out of Malaysia when the Britisher's left and was kept in the London museum. It had been stolen and was out of the public eye for about next 20 years and it had been mysteriously donated to the Bujang Museum a few years back. Raoul shook his head with confusion hoping to get a clearer picture after meeting with Omar.

The museum had the usual smattering of a few visitors; it was generally the case. The museum did not offer guided tours and the two or three people who had been appointed by the Government made halfhearted attempts at interacting with the guests. It was a typical Government building which had been touched with apathy as the rest of the Government. Although there was a positive aspect to the museum; there was no entry fee to the Museum, but the fact that the visitor had to rely upon himself/herself for finding about the artifacts displayed made the visit a monotonous affair.

The security was almost non-existent at the Museum, making it easy for any possible heist very easy. Raoul was wondering if it would not be possible to just walk out of the museum with an artifact, quite unnoticed by the untrained staff. Hoping for his fears to have no basis in reality, he decided to broach the subject once he was meeting Omar.

Omar greeted Raoul with his familiar grin and escorted Raoul towards his office. Raoul launched directly into the questions, not waiting to be seated. Omar's expression changed as he listened to Raoul's query about the sculptures. He was very pleased to know that Raoul had come here to discuss about the Buddhist sculptures which had been found in the last 60 years. His expressions were animated as he discussed something which was close to his heart. Towards the end of the meeting, Raoul asked Omar if he had not felt trepidation due to a non-existent security at Museum.

Omar's face was pinched and the sadness reached his eyes, when he admitted that he was aware of the almost non-existent security present at the Museum and the probable threat of loss of an artifact; but he was helpless in view of the government's apathy towards the development of modern features for Museum. He told Raoul that he had many representations to the officials in the Department of Culture but was yet to receive an encouraging news from the ministry. Raoul nodded at Omar's information; it was only a confirmation of what he had already know. It would be a child's play to take away the prized statue.

The acceptance of the fact shook him through and he felt a chill run down his spine. He debated telling Omar about it but knew that till he actually had a proof there was not much he could do or say in the matter. He took leave from Omar assuring him that he would be returning in case of any issues requiring the genial man's help.

to be continued...Raoul - 6

Raoul -Part 4

Earlier
Raoul kept his distance from the three of them following each movement of the three. He wished he could listen in on to what they were talking about, but he knew that he could not take the risk of being discovered.
The three of them walked to the parking area and got into a steel-grey Honda Accord (Raoul made a mental note that he had to send Lyana's Accord for servicing too) and moved away. Raoul quickly rushed to where his car had been parked. By the time he was able to join the traffic moving out of the Bujong Valley Museum, he had lost on precious time (he thought to himself, should have parked near the exit... that way could have caught up with them) and the Accord was moving away from him at a rapid pace. He muttered under his breath... 'God! I did not get the registration number on that!! He cursed himself on missing out on taking down such simple a detail but gave solace to himself with the fact that the three would have to come again to the museum the next day if they actually planned on making an attempt to heist the 'Standing Buddha'.

He decided to go to the local library to try and find more about the statue. Looking at the statue, Raoul had not been able to understand the importance of it. It was a very simple statue of Buddha cast in bronze standing in the 'tribhanga' pose and was attributed to Mrs. Dorothy Wales for its 'found' status. She had probably been a lonely wife whose husband was posted in military service. She had continued with the excavations at the site in Bujang Valley when Mr. Wales (archaeologist H G Quaritch Wales) had been posted even though they had reached the shores of Malaysia as a couple and had endeavored to work as a team. Raoul was wondering how it must have been for both of them, separated in an alien land with the threat of loosing the partner weighing heavy in mind. He found out that 'his' Buddha had been discovered in 1941 and had been deposited in the Raffles Library Museum.

The thing that weighed heavy on his mind was the reason for the sudden interest being shown by the motley group of three. He just could not resist labeling them as 'Three Musketeers'. It appeared to him as a quixotic behavior, trying to steal 'his' Buddha from the museum. He thought he would get back to the Omar and try to find out some more facts about the statue of Buddha.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by the phone which buzzed in his pocket. He took it out absent-minded but was on full alert when he saw that it was Lyana calling. She hardly called him during the day except when it was a case of dire emergency. Ready for the worst, but hoping his fears would be allayed, he took the call. Relief spread upon his features when he heard Lyana saying that she had to meet up with a few friends and would appreciate if he could pick up the kids from the school and drop them home. He assured her that he would not forget like the last time and would definitely get the kids. Lyana told him that she would be calling again in an hour to remind him.

Raoul could not help himself from smiling at the conversation he had with his wife. He realized that he would have to postpone his meeting with Omar, that meant that he would not be able to meet the affable man til the next day. Hoping that it might not be too late, he moved out of the library, to update his boss Akim about the day's happening. He also had to return the camera after getting the pictures developed (who knows he just might be able to notice something which he had missed out).

.....to be continued...Raoul - 5

Raoul - Part 3

Earlier
Knocking on the door, Raoul entered the office on his hearing 'Come' from the inside. Akim was a wiry man aged about 47 (at least that was what he had been celebrating for the last 3 years... Raoul thought to himself). Akim was a man with liberal outlook to life and was always in a peaceful place. Even though he was a Muslim by religion, he believed in the teachings of Buddha and was often surrounded by Buddhist paraphernalia in his office. He used to get so excited when he found anything new, be it any teaching or a new Buddha image. Once he got to know of anything related to Buddhism being available he was overcome with a holy zeal to possess it.  Today was no different; Raoul found him engrossed in poring over a 'thangka' available on a website on the desktop, with many files lying opened on the table. A large number of files lay on the floor indicating that Akim had been the office since long. Raoul was impressed with his dedication to work.

Akim looked up from the screen and motioned him to sit down, getting once again engrossed in the screen. He motioned Raoul to come and take a look at the 'thangka' he had been so absorbed with. Raoul knew he would have to humor his boss, in order to get him to hear the news. Raoul groaned inwardly and got up from his chair, a plastic smile plastered on face, and joined Akim in looking at the 'thangka'. If it had been any other day and Raoul had time to kill, he would have been very happy to indulge Akim, but today Raoul was in a hurry. The 'thangka' he saw was very beautiful, with Buddha seated on a lotus flower with his eyes closed, right hand holding on to a rice bowl 'Buddha Shakyamuni- The Awakened One from Shakya Clan'.

Raoul nodded his head in agreement on Akim asked him if it was worth the buy. His restlessness was showing on his face, observing that Akim asked him as to what he could do. Raoul took a deep breath and launched into the recounting of yesterday's incidents. He told Akim about his meeting with the Chief Curator and his over-hearing the conversation between the two men.

After Raoul had finished, Akim rubbed his hand across his day old beard, thinking about what he had just heard; his eyes had lit up showing he had liked what he had heard. Raoul looked on expectantly, waiting with bated breath for his boss's reply. Deliberating for a couple of minutes, Akim nodded his head in agreement. Raoul leaped up from his seat, thanking Akim profusely and rushed out of the office. He heard Akim before the door closed, 'Get back all the information, I think this is going to be big'. Raoul grinned to himself, eager to reach in time.

Raoul was breathing heavy with excitement, but waited patiently discretely hidden behind the pillar for the men to come back to the 'Standing Buddha'. He looked nervously at his watch, half -expecting the men to delay their coming to the museum. He had almost given up when he had to wait for over an hour after the scheduled time had passed by. Just as he was about to move away, dejected, he saw the men coming inside.  

Raoul made sure he was not visible from where he stood. The men came near to the display and waited. Raoul found this odd, but decided to wait it out. One of them spoke up, 'How long, Anees?' The other one who obviously was Anees, replied, 'A few more minutes would not kill you Hanif. We've been asked to wait, so we wait.'  Raoul was sure Anees was the one in charge. Hanif lowered his eyes and looked away, clearly embarrassed at being snubbed but unable to retort back.

There were three of them waiting, two of them aware and one waiting for the drama to unfold. Raoul was feeling tired standing with the camera hanging around his neck, which he had borrowed on his way out from a colleague. He was not taking any chances this time.

Anees and Hanif were soon joined by another person, who had his face hidden under the baseball cap and was wearing clothes which were a size too big for him. Raoul took a few pictures, to be used later. The man who had joined asked Anees something, Anees obliged him and lead him closer to the 'Standing Buddha'. The man looked at the statue and appeared to be get very flustered. The longer he stood near the statue, more angrier he got.

He rushed out of the museum followed by Anees and Hanif closely followed by Raoul.

... to be continued.. Raoul - 4

Raoul - Part 2

Earlier
Back from the museum, Raoul had his mind in a quandary. There were questions that were there which seemed to have no answer, at least not right now. He was pacing back and forth in his home office (he smirked at the term; it was a small room with hardly space for a small table and a chair which had been pushed against the wall so that he could pace in that 2 X 2 room), trying to absorb the parts of conversations he had over-heard. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he did not notice the sound of soft foot-steps behind him. The hand touched him on the shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts. He smiled at his his wife of 10 years, Lyana, trying to look undisturbed.

Lyana smiled back, her smile reaching her eyes, her eyes crinkling and her mouth going up from one side forming a lop-sided smile. His heart did a flip, it was her smile which had attracted him to her. He had noticed her smile from across the room that night in the party. He had turned to face her now. Her hand slid from his face and was lying softly at his shoulder, still smiling, she asked, 'You seemed to be worried! Anything bothering you?' Raoul knew that telling Lyana of the conversation would help relieve the tension he was feeling but also felt that now was not an appropriate time. Lyana belonged to the Batek tribe and was very fierce in protecting the native culture. She was one of the founding members of 'Malaysian Cultural Group' although with the babies coming along she was more of a passive member.

Raoul assured her that it was just the small tiff he had in the office with Abdul. Abdul was being his obnoxious self and was making the new interns uncomfortable with his nonsensical demands on their time and energies. Lyana's smile spread thinking about the oh-so-often tiffs Abdul and Raoul had, but were still friends. She ruffled  his hair and told him not to worry and come to bed. Raoul smiled but his mind had already gone back to the questions. He assured her, he'd be there shortly. With that promise, he gently moved Lyana out of the office towards the bed-room.

Raoul stood facing the small window, lost in his thoughts. A distant horn of a car brought him back, looking at the clock on the table, he noticed it was quite late. He decided to hit the sack and may be his subconscious would help him reach an answer soon.

Next morning, he gobbled the breakfast of fried beehoon (fried noodles) which Lyana had served today with egg. It was one of his favorite foods and he would have gone for another helping but for Lyana's eyebrows going up, the moment his hand went towards the serving bowl. Kissing his kids and being told by them, 'Ow, gross!', he moved out the house, chuckling to himself.

Punching in at the attendance machine (groaning at himself for being late again), he moved towards his desk. He still had to get his own office even after 15 years in the same paper. He had always been given the look-over when it was time for promotion. He waited patiently (it had now become a part of him.... patience) for his chance, each rejection pushing him to work harder. Keeping his bag on the chair, he nodded an early morning greetings to his colleagues and sidled to his boss's office.  He had to share his 'news' with him.

to be continued....Raoul - 3

Raoul - Part 1

He could feel stiffness in the neck muscles with him poring at the screen for the last two hours. His hands were typing with a frenzy, his mind was fired up with ideas, he did not wish to be stopped till he finished and had asked his family to go catch up on a popular movie that was showing in the nearby multiplex (he hated going to multiplexes; these were lacking in that old world charm that he had always been a sucker for, thinking of multiplex was something he could not afford. He gently nudged the thought out of his mind and got back to banging on the keys). The moment's reprieve brought on by the thoughts had allowed him to stretch out, try to get the stiffness away.

He was working against a ticking clock with the sword of deadline looming over him. When he had started with the work on the report on the archaeological finds in the Bujang Valley he had no idea that he was going to be fighting tooth and nail for the security of his family. Few more hours and the paper would be in print and he would be able to breathe easy again.

His thoughts wandered to the day he had visited the Bujang Valley Archaeological Museum in order to meet with the Chief Curator, Mr. Omar, the meaning of the word Omar ironically being the highest. Omar was a man well-known in the field of Archaeology for his findings in the Bujang Valley over the last 20 years that he had been there. Omar had been working diligently to unravel the mysteries from the past era when the region was under the rule of rulers who had been influenced by Buddhist-Hinduism ideologies and had been rumored to be rich. He had even had the local universities and colleges have their students sent over to the archaeology sites so that the present generation would become aware of the richness of the land that was.

Raoul had expected a sharp man with a tough demeanor but was taken aback when he met the some-what bumbling Omar who had a pink undertones to the skin showing a proclivity to the pleasures of drink. Omar was an affable man. He recalled the meeting had gone well and it was only when he had been coming back from the meeting that he had over-heard or was it more like eaves-dropped on the conversation that had been going on between two otherwise nondescript people but for the fact that they were in a museum and were showing no interest in any of the artifacts on display. They were gesticulating and pointing towards the figure of 'Standing Buddha'. His attention was caught, his curiosity heightened and he moved stealthily towards them to try and listen in on the conversation. They were so occupied with the argument that his movements were largely unnoticed.

Standing behind the pillar near the display of 'Standing Buddha' he was able to hear them and what he heard had him shocked. He stood rooted to his place long after both of them had left. His mind was in a flurry, he decided to go talk with Omar about what he had overheard but the journalist in him got the better of him. He decided to dig deeper and wait it out a little longer.

..... to be continued  Roul - 2

Butterfly

After quite a number of days.. the 'bug' or in this case the 'butterfly' caught my attention... made this yesterday.

Cry

It was a soft cry.... like the cry of help by a baby for its mother when he/she is scared and wishes to be assured and pampered by the mother...

She was cowering in a corner making whimpering sounds... waiting to be saved from what now seemed like a sure face-off with the danger... She knew she was in danger.. the animal in her was able to smell it from a mile every time.. only this time her senses had been dulled by the other things that had been going on in her life...

She had always been proud of her ability to dodge the danger.. but of late with her loosing so much so soon had caused her sense of preservation to take  back seat.. all her senses were directed towards coping with the grief caused...

The shadows came closer and soon took shape.. turned themselves into human beings... she was wary very wary of the events waiting to unfold.. pushed against the wall... ready to fight but she had less of hope to go on..

The humans could sense it... they exchanges quick looks giving each other signals that were easily understood with years of hunting together.. they were ready to hunt her down.. they were well armed while she had only her animal instincts to fall back upon... all other senses had been dulled...

They moved in unison like a pack out for hunt.. she cowered but knew that to survive this she would have to get together all of her resolve and withstand the onslaught..

She stood tall and waited in a defensive mode.. waiting for the attack to begin.. they closed in on her.. inching forward.. all the while hedging her.. she growled under her breath.. suddenly they charged..

She got on her haunches and lunged forward... her claws unsheathed.. fangs uncovered... it would have been scary had she been given the chance to grow into the strong beasts that her family was..

At the age that she was, without her family to guide her, she was no match to the hunters.. even though she put up a strong resistance.... she was soon over-powered... and was bundled into the cage...

The cage that was to be her home from now on... from which she emerged only to dance to the tunes of her masters... a mighty beast reduced to performing in front of humans (if they could be called such... after all humans were supposed to be possess kindness)...

The lady of the jungle... the pride of woodlands was reduced to a mere performer.. forever forlorn.. waiting for an escape which she knew lay only in death

Pain

Have you ever felt that there is a pain you just can not put your name to but it is there.. it has no cure.. no feasible escape... no God forsaken way using which you can take a break from it...

Well... I have had the pleasure of living with such pain day in day out.. 24 X 7.. no respite... constantly... making its presence felt.. to the extent it seems like white noise... jarring to the mind.. numbing... not just for your mind but also the ability to move... ability to work at a level what people consider "normal"..

Its been a constant companion (unwanted but a companion) always present.. burning as if on a slow heat.. like your breath.. but unlike the breath it reminds you of its presence.... perpetually

All I want to do is to leave it behind for sometime... and all it wants is to be with me.. reminding me of itself...

Endless series of queue

Queue.. such a simple word.. literal meaning.. standing in a line waiting for your turn...
A simple word...
Life for her had turned into an endless wait from one queue to the other.. She was born as a third child in the queue of desire for a boy child by her parents. Mother had wanted to protect her from the anger of the rest of the family, but her weakness did not allow her to save her child.

She spent her childhood being neglected and had to suffice herself with the bits of love that was given to her... even for being acknowledged she had to wait patiently for her turn...

She had not been blessed with the best of looks... she waited patiently for her turn to be looked and appreciated... She soon realized that in order to be acknowledged by people around her she would have to start using her brains. Gaining knowledge about everything became a passion for her. She wanted to break out of the queue that her life had become and reach the head of the queue.

Everyday was a struggle, a strife to rise above the mediocrity, a wrangling for every ounce of her willpower to fight against being pushed back into the queue... Every time she tried to break out of the queue.. she was muscled back to her corner...

Her life became a constant scramble against the oppression of people... she was loosing her determination to fight on her own... she desired to be supported.. to be held and be told that soon, very soon she would be the one in front of the queue...

Her parents did not understand her want to be the first in the queue... they always tired to make her understand that she did not deserve. people like her never could be in the front... she always struggled..

She was married off against her wishes.. and then a whole new struggle of not being in the queue started... Now her struggle was to be the first in the queue to buy groceries for her household.. her desires and aims were 'dulled' out and she now thought of these as if it had all happened to someone else in some other world....

Her desires were made to stand in a queue.. a queue which she had tried to break but which ended up breaking her