Faith in God

My relation with God has been strange and tumultuous at times but one which started as a child. I remember holding on to my Nani's hand on cold foggy mornings and walking through the long meandering dusty fields, with her chanting the bhajan in her lilting voice. I was awestruck by the fragrance of sandalwood and the bhabhoot which was made by the constantly burning kund in front of a huge idol of Lord Shiva, sitting with his third eye closed and his one hand raised to bless. His face had a serene look which always gave me a reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

I looked forward to going to Nani's house not only because it meant that I had the time of my life with cousins but also due to visits to temple. With time the hand holding on to my hand changed from that if Nani to Mamu to finally Mami but every time I went I was reassured with the smile of benevolence and I came back feeling bliss.

As I grew up, my mother ensured that things went on smoothly with me reading  everyday for a few of the kids of our neighbourhood (I am sure they must have been wondering if I was indeed as sane as I seemed), most of them a few years younger to me from the mythology books. It was something I enjoyed and helped in making my belief stronger in a greater force over looking at the welfare of everyone.

The relation between me and Him soured not much later as I felt that I had been abandoned by Him. I was unable to understand as to how someone who is supposed to be benevolent be immune and non-responsive to so many fervent appeals for help. I decided if He did not want to be on my side, well, I too did not want to be in the same corner. I continued visiting temple but never again did I talk to Him there; for that I waited till the nightfall when I had a daily conversation which actually often started with a Hello and went on with my ramblings for quite some time. He never replied so I came to the decision that He did not exist. Blasphemous.... May be but at the time it made perfect sense.

The distance grew but there was always a hope that He was nearby; how else could I rationalize the sanity at the end of the days. There were many an instances of an 'out of skin' experience which could not be explained and at such times I just sent a prayer hoping it would be heard if not answered.

There was a time when I lost faith and stopped all communications and was uncomfortable around people who believed and still held onto their faith. I looked at such people with a visible disdain. After fighting against the faith one night (I have a habit of analyzing the day gone before sleeping) it just dawned on me that all these years He had been by my side, in the form of family, friends and myself. Often I had gone to the edge of the precipice when things had seemed bleak and every time there had been a helping hand, a shoulder to lean on, a thought which had come as a support.

Though still not able to visit the places of worship on a regular basis, it has become second nature for me to talk to Him regularly. It is good to feel that you have God backing you all the way.

Hero: Born or made

The two news which have been featured in many of the print and visual media in the recent past have been the fight for survival by the Pakistani girl, Malala Yousufzai, after she had been shot by the Taliban for showing a determination to stand for her convictions; and the other is that of Ashok Khemka who has been unfortunately shunted from one posting to the other for doing what is his duty; being sincere to his job.

Both of them had the courage to stand for what they believed in, how many of us can say that for us. The attitude that we as a Nation have developed is that of 'chalta hai' (it's okay) as is seen and heard in a popular ad on the TV. 

From being a Nation who stood against the might of the British Empire (even if it was a delayed attempt) we have become a Nation of people who are ready to kowtow to any and everyone. Is it because of the long years our country had spent in servitude that we are unable to develop a backbone - a spine which can allow us to stand up for our rights; to demand with authority what rightfully belongs to us.

The attitude of 'chalta hai' has infected all parts of our society and life, from paying for a ticket in black to watch a movie, jumping a line to pay a bill, jumping traffic lights putting not self but other lives at risk, throwing garbage out of the car while on a highway.. all falls in the category of 'chalta hai' , and the person who tries to follow the norms is seen as a person from another planet... the poor soul has to bear many a brunt of jokes, be ready to be subjected to ridicule.

Few of the courageous souls are able to stay on the chosen path while may waver and fall by the side, joining the milling crowd of humanity to become one of the chorus singers of 'chalta hai'

What is it that separates the heroes from the crowd? Is it something which is inherited or is it due to the courage and conviction which is developed? 

If it was all in the genes, then would it not be possible for all the members of a family to be heroes, but how many of us have seen anything like that. It requires grit to give up the luxury of being able to satisfy the need of belonging that gnaws at the innards of a human. Often, the circumstances make heroes of people who are normal by forcing them to make a choice. The choice made determines the Hero.

In the case of Malala Yousufzai and Ashok Khemka it was the circumstances that made them Heroes, a source of inspiration for the rest of the mere mortals. The circumstances presented them with choices where they could have either given in or could have stood up and fight back. They chose the later, creating history along the way.

It is imperative that the spirit that both of them have shown is appreciated and is not forgotten once the headlines decide to move on to a new Hero.

Fear of the Unknown

We as humans are a race which likes to conquer the farthest corners of the universe, be without fear to face the unknown, face it with a courage that the unknown is forced down on its knees cowering with fear... that relentless and fearless our we, humans. Is it?

There are many a phenomena that the human mind still has to discover, analyse and understand, from why the structures of chloroplast and hemoglobin have an uncanny similarity, to the role the gene pool plays in the defining of a person (all topics for another day).

One phenomenon which has often caused a fear in the human psyche and has made many of us a bumbling idiot is the small talk with a stranger. We can talk for hours to people we have got to know over the years about the most inane of things, share the most personal of our life details with them; often not worrying whether the other person is still interested or not.

Most of us are able to chat up with strangers if it does not involve having a meaningful conversation. We can go and carry out a normal transaction at the newly opened neighborhood shop, sniffing at the air, trying to find out the value of the place for self on a day to day basis. But when the conversations and interactions are required for a social event, we tend to dry up fast with the topics to discuss. The 'safe topics' for conversations such as the weather, the headlines of the day, the latest movies, music etc. soon loose the sheen.

Why, why do we tend to remain all bottled up when we can extend a smile and a few words could make the person a friend from someone we had met somewhere? Is it because we fear to be judged, or is it because we fear that the other person may take something we say or do as an offence or is it more due to the fact that we would rather keep up the walls around us at any cost.

Often it is due to the walls we keep on building around us that make it difficult for us to have a human approach to the others. There are many a prejudices, the hurt, the guilt, the pangs of jealousy that we have faced at another time, another person that cause us to act in a certain manner. The walls that have grown as a result of a self-preservation mechanism that all organisms have, humans inclusive.

Yes, unfortunately, even when we tend to think of ourselves as the God's favored ones, we really are just part of a bigger scheme with a limited role in it.

The self -preservation or the vanity that humans have makes us fear the unknown.

If one observes a child,  it is seen that s(he) is not afraid of anything, loves to explore every nook and corner with glee. No fear. It is often the parents who put the fear in a child's heart, be it the fear of the dark (with warnings, there is a monster) or be it the fear of heights (be careful, you'll hurt yourself).

Why do we tend to do that? Is it because we want to save our child the pains that we had gone through growing up or is it because we want to known and seen as the perfect parent? Whatever it might be, we often end up scarring the child for life with our fears.

Once we are able to overcome this fear of the unknown, we would be able to break down the walls we build around us and would find it easier to be more trusting and forthcoming in our day to day life.