I have thyroid, was diagnosed for the same about 7 years back. Since that day every morning I pop a tablet for keeping the thyroid levels in check. There are days when I forget to reach out that small innocuous looking tablet. Those days are not painful, but do remind me in subtle manner of the over-sight committed; nothing serious.
It has made me realize how easy I had been taking things which concerned me. Everyday is becoming a little more of a struggle, a little more of a daily fights, some wins- some losses. The memory fails me, the words which flowed into sentences, now often fail me at the crucial moments. I am left trying to second-guess the name of a thing.. and seem to resemble more and more the side-kicks in old B & C grade Bollywood movies who are stuck over a word, and need prompting every sentence.
I am unable to recall names of people I work with, and yes it sometimes becomes downright embarrassing when I am mid-sentence and need to emphasize a point to a particular person, and the name just does not come and fits itself nicely into the gap. It remains just that a gap - leaving me to fend off the oncoming panick attack with closing of eyes, concentrating hard, but 'nada, nothing' - I mean nothing happens, so I open my eyes and try to fumble on with the sentence.
As if this was not sufficient, I loose the thread of a conversation, mid-way, and so I often find myself mumbling my agreement to God only knows what and trying to get back into the conversation as smoothly as possible. Quite an interesting scenario it becomes!
The sudden lack of hunger for days and then a gnawing hunger which, mind you, is satiated with only something sweet- go figure! The constant feeling of thirst, which does not go away even after guzzling down of 3 glasses of water. And then forgetting to drink water, since the thirstiness is always there and end up not having even 2 glasses of water in the whole day. Where does this leave me? Well, it leaves me being a yo-yo, where one week all my pretty dresses fit me and the next even the baggiest of clothes do not fit.
My body seems to be a host to many aches and pains which come and go as they please. They seriously do not ask for any permission. One fine morning a crick in the neck will come and stay there for what seems like ever, and whatever I do it will not go away with the best of efforts. And then after over-staying its welcome(?!), it leaves, making way for a creaky knee or an ankle, which will creak as much it wants to- obviously - these are so deep seated in the inner realms of my body that there is absolutely no way I could do anything at all. So my conscious looks at it from a distance trying to keep it under control and not to allow it to decide to move to another location (some hopes!!!).
Over the years my lusciously thick hair have become so sparse that at a stage I had decided to just go bald - Bald and Beautiful!! Now that would have been something. Not that can not happen now. My son likes to play with my hair, a habit he has had since he was born. I never did like it, but he as a toddler had his own mind, which I could do nothing with. Was I concerned? No, 'coz, I had strong hair, right! Now, I am often found asking my son not to touch my hair in the fear of him tugging out a bunch of them and me having to struggle with the attempt at covering the bald patches. I have taken to keeping my hair long, might as well enjoy them till they last.
I loved to listen to music at full volume, still do, but now the loud sounds and strong lights make my head go thud-thud, boom-boom after sometime. At movies, my son often pulls my hands away from my ears in the fear of being embarrassed with an old lady (aka me). I oblige him, but slowly and steadily shift in my chair to sit in a pose where my hand is on my chin and my thumbs are covering my ears... yes!! Some peace - till he catches me again.
One would think that would definitely imply that my ears are okay. Naah! I have an issue which is known as 'Tinnitus' or to layman - the ringing ears. So here I am mid-conversation, and my ears hears that fictitious bell, I move my head which I hope is imperceptibly to the side (which to an onlooker must seem like what is she trying to listen to) to try and lessen it. Does it help?? Nope. It does not. The bell rings loud and as long as it wants, with me listening to it and the person with whom I am in conversation - quite a balancing act.
My list of weirdness is long and variegated... rest for another evening!
It has made me realize how easy I had been taking things which concerned me. Everyday is becoming a little more of a struggle, a little more of a daily fights, some wins- some losses. The memory fails me, the words which flowed into sentences, now often fail me at the crucial moments. I am left trying to second-guess the name of a thing.. and seem to resemble more and more the side-kicks in old B & C grade Bollywood movies who are stuck over a word, and need prompting every sentence.
I am unable to recall names of people I work with, and yes it sometimes becomes downright embarrassing when I am mid-sentence and need to emphasize a point to a particular person, and the name just does not come and fits itself nicely into the gap. It remains just that a gap - leaving me to fend off the oncoming panick attack with closing of eyes, concentrating hard, but 'nada, nothing' - I mean nothing happens, so I open my eyes and try to fumble on with the sentence.
As if this was not sufficient, I loose the thread of a conversation, mid-way, and so I often find myself mumbling my agreement to God only knows what and trying to get back into the conversation as smoothly as possible. Quite an interesting scenario it becomes!
The sudden lack of hunger for days and then a gnawing hunger which, mind you, is satiated with only something sweet- go figure! The constant feeling of thirst, which does not go away even after guzzling down of 3 glasses of water. And then forgetting to drink water, since the thirstiness is always there and end up not having even 2 glasses of water in the whole day. Where does this leave me? Well, it leaves me being a yo-yo, where one week all my pretty dresses fit me and the next even the baggiest of clothes do not fit.
My body seems to be a host to many aches and pains which come and go as they please. They seriously do not ask for any permission. One fine morning a crick in the neck will come and stay there for what seems like ever, and whatever I do it will not go away with the best of efforts. And then after over-staying its welcome(?!), it leaves, making way for a creaky knee or an ankle, which will creak as much it wants to- obviously - these are so deep seated in the inner realms of my body that there is absolutely no way I could do anything at all. So my conscious looks at it from a distance trying to keep it under control and not to allow it to decide to move to another location (some hopes!!!).
Over the years my lusciously thick hair have become so sparse that at a stage I had decided to just go bald - Bald and Beautiful!! Now that would have been something. Not that can not happen now. My son likes to play with my hair, a habit he has had since he was born. I never did like it, but he as a toddler had his own mind, which I could do nothing with. Was I concerned? No, 'coz, I had strong hair, right! Now, I am often found asking my son not to touch my hair in the fear of him tugging out a bunch of them and me having to struggle with the attempt at covering the bald patches. I have taken to keeping my hair long, might as well enjoy them till they last.
I loved to listen to music at full volume, still do, but now the loud sounds and strong lights make my head go thud-thud, boom-boom after sometime. At movies, my son often pulls my hands away from my ears in the fear of being embarrassed with an old lady (aka me). I oblige him, but slowly and steadily shift in my chair to sit in a pose where my hand is on my chin and my thumbs are covering my ears... yes!! Some peace - till he catches me again.
One would think that would definitely imply that my ears are okay. Naah! I have an issue which is known as 'Tinnitus' or to layman - the ringing ears. So here I am mid-conversation, and my ears hears that fictitious bell, I move my head which I hope is imperceptibly to the side (which to an onlooker must seem like what is she trying to listen to) to try and lessen it. Does it help?? Nope. It does not. The bell rings loud and as long as it wants, with me listening to it and the person with whom I am in conversation - quite a balancing act.
My list of weirdness is long and variegated... rest for another evening!
