Fear,
debilitating fear
Gut wrenching fear
With cold hands
twisting my heart
And tearing my soul
Hiding underneath
is my supraliminal self
Paralysed, crippled
cowering, trembling
April 13, 2015
Fear
Fear,
debilitating fear
Gut wrenching fear
With cold hands
twisting my heart
And tearing my soul
Hiding underneath
is my supraliminal self
Paralysed, crippled
cowering, trembling
Clouds -- rejuvenated jewels!
Clouds -- rejuvenated jewels!
o! floating and flitting daffodils of the sky.
All the sun beams sear through, drawing patterns on the ground.
Beauty is an azure party within uncertainty and distance.
Clouds chase each other and in them love radiates!
Silently, rarely, voraciously.
Yet there's beauty and the chaos.
As the rainbows are, the messengers of the raindrops.
o! floating and flitting daffodils of the sky.
All the sun beams sear through, drawing patterns on the ground.
Beauty is an azure party within uncertainty and distance.
Clouds chase each other and in them love radiates!
Silently, rarely, voraciously.
Yet there's beauty and the chaos.
As the rainbows are, the messengers of the raindrops.
March 22, 2015
शून्य
शून्यता घेरे है
हर ओर छाए अँधियारे हैं
मन में घहराते काले साए हैं
ना कोइ रोशनी, ना कोई चिराग
निसभ्द, निश्बद
हर दिशा से आहत
मन को तड़पाते मेरे ये विचार हैं
नीरस निर्जीव से मेरे भाव हैं
कुछ उधार की मुस्कान
कुछ उधार के सपने
कब तक मुझे उभार सकेंगें
हर ओर छाए अँधियारे हैं
मन में घहराते काले साए हैं
ना कोइ रोशनी, ना कोई चिराग
निसभ्द, निश्बद
हर दिशा से आहत
मन को तड़पाते मेरे ये विचार हैं
नीरस निर्जीव से मेरे भाव हैं
कुछ उधार की मुस्कान
कुछ उधार के सपने
कब तक मुझे उभार सकेंगें
अब बस
बस अब और नही
ना अब और छटपटाना
ना अब और दिशाहीन भहाव
बस और बस सम्पर्ण
समर्पण इस संघर्ष से
March 20, 2015
दिल
तेरी यादों ने तड़पाया बहुत है,
इस दिल को हम ने बहलाया बहुत है|
जब भी यह शाम ढली,
हम ने ख़ुद को समझाया बहुत है|
तेरी याद को हम ने दूर किया बहुत है,
मगर दिल ने हम को किया मज़बूर बहुत है|
काश तुम्हारी आँखों से छलकते ना वो मोती,
हमारे दिल ने हम को छला बहुत है|
हर बार हुई ईक दस्तक,
हर बार हम ने खुद को ही धोखा दिया बहुत है|
इस दिल को हम ने बहलाया बहुत है|
जब भी यह शाम ढली,
हम ने ख़ुद को समझाया बहुत है|
तेरी याद को हम ने दूर किया बहुत है,
मगर दिल ने हम को किया मज़बूर बहुत है|
काश तुम्हारी आँखों से छलकते ना वो मोती,
हमारे दिल ने हम को छला बहुत है|
हर बार हुई ईक दस्तक,
हर बार हम ने खुद को ही धोखा दिया बहुत है|
March 18, 2015
and she smiled
I worked in a small office where the only employees were me and Rae, sometimes joined by our boss.
It had been a long day. The office work was becoming... well the usual.. boring. I could only do so much to keep my eyes open with the ceiling fan trying its best to put me off to sleep. It was a hot sultry summer day. The kind of day when even the time forgets to move.
Each agonizing minute was very slow in its passing, there was still another hour for me to get free from the work. I looked at the clock on the office wall, which seemed to tick-ticking away with the speed of a turtle.
The traffic in the office was slow, may be even people wanted to stay indoors, safe from the sweltering and min-numbing heat. I looked across to the other side of my table. My colleague, Rae, seemed to have fought a similar battle and lost. He was dozing with his head thrown back, mouth open.
I shook my head, to dispel the sleep from my brain. I though of getting up and going up to the cooler, at least, I might be able to wash the sleep away. The laziness was trying to envelope me in its embrace. I took one last look at the office, it was eerily silent with only sound being that of the wheering fan.
All I wanted to do was get back home, start the AC, and plop myself in front of the TV, with a drink to give me company. It sounded an awesome plan.
The doors slid open, just as I was getting up from my seat, welcoming the incomer. I looked up and found myself staring at the most beautiful face that I had even seen.. (ever?... okay.. may be in a long time). She had the most beautiful brown eyes, which seemed to have a life of their own. Her face was framed by long brown hair, which she had tied in a plait, from which tendrils of hair had managed to escape. It was like a dream of mine had come alive.
She looked around, trying to find a person who might be awake to help her out!
I willed with all my heart for her to look in my direction. When her eyes met mine, I felt my heart doing a crazy dance, which honestly had not happened in a very long time. The monotony of daily office had marred the excitement.
I smiled. Waiting for her to return the smile.
She looked at me.
She asked about where she could find the office of Advocate Raghav. My heart plummeted.
Here I was, making plans, asking her out for coffee in my dreams and here she was asking about Raghav. I cursed and kicked mys elf mentally. The letter 'R' was becoming my nemesis, Rae, Raghav... how many more R would I have to suffer.
Pasting a smile on my face, I told her about the next door cabin.
She left.
I collapsed on my chair, all thoughts of coffee.... 'voossh'.
I stared at the clock, there still was 20 minutes to go. Rae snored softly, with drool dripping out form the right corner of his mouth. Any other day, I would have found it funny, may be would have taken a picture for Instagram. But today I found it all jarring.
I got up, irritated, kicked Rae's chair, bringing him back from the land of semi-dead, and told him gruffly, "I am going". He looked dazed at the clock, raised his eyebrows in a question. I replied with the shrug of my shoulders, dug into my pocket, picked the helmet and left.
I could hear Rae's gasp. I had never done that. I was always the 'proper and perfect' employee. I felt elated.
Leaving the office early by 15 minutes was giving me happiness!! I cursed myself again, I needed a life!!
Reaching home, I immediately plunked myself on the couch, opened the drink and immersed myself in the TV. (I had no life. All I had was office and TV).
The bell rung, awakening me from my dreamless sleep. I staggered to the door, opened it and found 'her' standing in front of me.
I shook my head, trying to clear my head. She asked me the same question. I answered mechanically, he is in the next cabin.
She asked if she could come inside, it was very hot outside.
I nodded. All power of speech and thought had flown away by now.
She glided inside, looked around, and proceeded to sit on the couch. Picked up the bottle that moments ago I had been holding.
My mouth went dry. Questions should have collided with each other in my brain. "What is she doing here?, Why is she here? etc. etc."
All I did was stare at her.
She looked at me as if I was a specimen.
Suddenly, I was not feeling sleepy.
She looked at me.
I walked over and sat next to her on the couch.
She looked at me.
She smiled.
I cringed.
I wanted to crawl away.
wanted to run away.
She smiled.
I realized what I had done.
I had invited a demon into my house.
I could not move.
And she smiled.
It had been a long day. The office work was becoming... well the usual.. boring. I could only do so much to keep my eyes open with the ceiling fan trying its best to put me off to sleep. It was a hot sultry summer day. The kind of day when even the time forgets to move.
Each agonizing minute was very slow in its passing, there was still another hour for me to get free from the work. I looked at the clock on the office wall, which seemed to tick-ticking away with the speed of a turtle.
The traffic in the office was slow, may be even people wanted to stay indoors, safe from the sweltering and min-numbing heat. I looked across to the other side of my table. My colleague, Rae, seemed to have fought a similar battle and lost. He was dozing with his head thrown back, mouth open.
I shook my head, to dispel the sleep from my brain. I though of getting up and going up to the cooler, at least, I might be able to wash the sleep away. The laziness was trying to envelope me in its embrace. I took one last look at the office, it was eerily silent with only sound being that of the wheering fan.
All I wanted to do was get back home, start the AC, and plop myself in front of the TV, with a drink to give me company. It sounded an awesome plan.
The doors slid open, just as I was getting up from my seat, welcoming the incomer. I looked up and found myself staring at the most beautiful face that I had even seen.. (ever?... okay.. may be in a long time). She had the most beautiful brown eyes, which seemed to have a life of their own. Her face was framed by long brown hair, which she had tied in a plait, from which tendrils of hair had managed to escape. It was like a dream of mine had come alive.
She looked around, trying to find a person who might be awake to help her out!
I willed with all my heart for her to look in my direction. When her eyes met mine, I felt my heart doing a crazy dance, which honestly had not happened in a very long time. The monotony of daily office had marred the excitement.
I smiled. Waiting for her to return the smile.
She looked at me.
She asked about where she could find the office of Advocate Raghav. My heart plummeted.
Here I was, making plans, asking her out for coffee in my dreams and here she was asking about Raghav. I cursed and kicked mys elf mentally. The letter 'R' was becoming my nemesis, Rae, Raghav... how many more R would I have to suffer.
Pasting a smile on my face, I told her about the next door cabin.
She left.
I collapsed on my chair, all thoughts of coffee.... 'voossh'.
I stared at the clock, there still was 20 minutes to go. Rae snored softly, with drool dripping out form the right corner of his mouth. Any other day, I would have found it funny, may be would have taken a picture for Instagram. But today I found it all jarring.
I got up, irritated, kicked Rae's chair, bringing him back from the land of semi-dead, and told him gruffly, "I am going". He looked dazed at the clock, raised his eyebrows in a question. I replied with the shrug of my shoulders, dug into my pocket, picked the helmet and left.
I could hear Rae's gasp. I had never done that. I was always the 'proper and perfect' employee. I felt elated.
Leaving the office early by 15 minutes was giving me happiness!! I cursed myself again, I needed a life!!
Reaching home, I immediately plunked myself on the couch, opened the drink and immersed myself in the TV. (I had no life. All I had was office and TV).
The bell rung, awakening me from my dreamless sleep. I staggered to the door, opened it and found 'her' standing in front of me.
I shook my head, trying to clear my head. She asked me the same question. I answered mechanically, he is in the next cabin.
She asked if she could come inside, it was very hot outside.
I nodded. All power of speech and thought had flown away by now.
She glided inside, looked around, and proceeded to sit on the couch. Picked up the bottle that moments ago I had been holding.
My mouth went dry. Questions should have collided with each other in my brain. "What is she doing here?, Why is she here? etc. etc."
All I did was stare at her.
She looked at me as if I was a specimen.
Suddenly, I was not feeling sleepy.
She looked at me.
I walked over and sat next to her on the couch.
She looked at me.
She smiled.
I cringed.
I wanted to crawl away.
wanted to run away.
She smiled.
I realized what I had done.
I had invited a demon into my house.
I could not move.
And she smiled.
March 17, 2015
Woman's Day!
As if we need a special day to be reminded that we are women!
As if we need a special day to remind all around us that we need to be respected!
A day which is celebrated like so many other days,
with pomp and show
with words which are 'politically correct'
with words which tell us we are empowered
How is the day any different from the 364 other days of the year
when we have the women degraded, mutilated,
sold and bought like cattle,
when even the decision of what to wear is made by another,
Another who I may not even know!
when we have the women degraded, mutilated,
sold and bought like cattle,
when even the decision of what to wear is made by another,
Another who I may not even know!
When words around us are enough to mar us for eternity
When the 'look' that we see in the eyes of the beholder shame us
When in actuality it should be the other way.
When the 'look' that we see in the eyes of the beholder shame us
When in actuality it should be the other way.
When all that the men around me want to do is 'protect' me
When all that the society wants me to do is 'be coy'
When all that the society demands is for me to 'toe the line'
When all that the society wants me to do is 'be coy'
When all that the society demands is for me to 'toe the line'
Why? Why? Why?
Why does it have to be 'woman' every time who has to give in
Why does it have to be 'woman' every time who has to play coy
Why do I need to avert eyes
Why do I have to play ignoran
Why does it have to be 'woman' every time who has to give in
Why does it have to be 'woman' every time who has to play coy
Why do I need to avert eyes
Why do I have to play ignoran
December 08, 2014
Life - ups & downs?
Life is tricky and ever changing! What one wants and what one gets are often two different things.. in-fact these are often diametrically on the opposite ends!!
Me bring no exception to this great life have had and do have my share (trust me it is a pretty big one at that) of the mighty upheavals... the kind which want to make you feel like chucking it all away and say out loud, 'That's it! I've had it! No more! I give up!'
But these mighty upheavals, when these move into the past, seem to be so minuscule, that they don't seem to be worth the effort I had spent on tearing my hair out for!!
These appear to be so petty, small and of no major consequence in the larger cycle of life!
On a scale of 1 to 10, a problem that seemed to be 11, looking back on it, it appears to be 1 or may be a 2.
So does our memory plays truant on us, and reduces the complexity of the problem or is it time which makes a fool of us!
I'd say it is a combo of both - human mind tends to dim the memory of the angst, fear and panic of a situation, making it seem more humane under the dust of time, while time makes us more understanding, more experienced and less finicky.
There might have been studies carried out by scientists and psychologists upon the tricks that our mind plays! Studies which would have dissected each and every aspect of a memory, situation - to compartmentalize each feeling, each shiver, each smile into neat arrays making it easier to lay out serious sounding hypothesis, which then would have been studied further, to propound theories.
In-fact I am quite sure, that is how it must have happened.
I don't know much about such studies, since I don't move in such quasi-intellectual circles and know what I know from the lessons I have learnt from life. Life is a great teacher - it has told me repeatedly why I make the mistakes that I make, why do I choose the way I choose, why I loose my cool when I do (trust me I do, and a lot), and much more has it told.
It has also taught me how to extricate myself from these situations, how to react to a situation - fight or flight. What I choose - to fight or flight - is my decision.
So now my decisions are less of flight or flight but more along the lines of being savvy enough to preempt a problem and stay on to solve, instead of getting into a fight mode.
Honestly, life doesn't seem like to be of ups and downs - only of situations which need a calm mind, a detached view of being in the situation, but not be in the situation!
And once you decide to buckle down, then don't run away at the first sign of things erupting around you!
Me bring no exception to this great life have had and do have my share (trust me it is a pretty big one at that) of the mighty upheavals... the kind which want to make you feel like chucking it all away and say out loud, 'That's it! I've had it! No more! I give up!'
But these mighty upheavals, when these move into the past, seem to be so minuscule, that they don't seem to be worth the effort I had spent on tearing my hair out for!!
These appear to be so petty, small and of no major consequence in the larger cycle of life!
On a scale of 1 to 10, a problem that seemed to be 11, looking back on it, it appears to be 1 or may be a 2.
So does our memory plays truant on us, and reduces the complexity of the problem or is it time which makes a fool of us!
I'd say it is a combo of both - human mind tends to dim the memory of the angst, fear and panic of a situation, making it seem more humane under the dust of time, while time makes us more understanding, more experienced and less finicky.
There might have been studies carried out by scientists and psychologists upon the tricks that our mind plays! Studies which would have dissected each and every aspect of a memory, situation - to compartmentalize each feeling, each shiver, each smile into neat arrays making it easier to lay out serious sounding hypothesis, which then would have been studied further, to propound theories.
In-fact I am quite sure, that is how it must have happened.
I don't know much about such studies, since I don't move in such quasi-intellectual circles and know what I know from the lessons I have learnt from life. Life is a great teacher - it has told me repeatedly why I make the mistakes that I make, why do I choose the way I choose, why I loose my cool when I do (trust me I do, and a lot), and much more has it told.
It has also taught me how to extricate myself from these situations, how to react to a situation - fight or flight. What I choose - to fight or flight - is my decision.
So now my decisions are less of flight or flight but more along the lines of being savvy enough to preempt a problem and stay on to solve, instead of getting into a fight mode.
Honestly, life doesn't seem like to be of ups and downs - only of situations which need a calm mind, a detached view of being in the situation, but not be in the situation!
And once you decide to buckle down, then don't run away at the first sign of things erupting around you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)