Rapture

the state I am in these days. If someone was to ask me the reason I might not be able to explain in words. Is it a state of mind? Am I in a happy place these days? Or are these the after-effects of the dosage of valium that I took to numb the pain due to a sudden neck spasm!!

The world looks a little less gray, green appears a little more vibrant hue of green.

The rain seems more happy, no sad songs to accompany the downpour. The walks in the rain are less contemplative, observing the raindrops sliding down the leaves to join the eagerly waiting puddle at the bottom of the tree is a priority.

The songs sound more melodious, a spring in the step, ready to do an impromptu jig in the market on hearing the familiar lyrics!

There is a sense of calm, a feeling of being at peace. The feeling that conveys the oneness with the without and within; insinuates at a kinship which is just beginning to unfold... and No.. I am not loosing my marbles!! Am not talking through my hat!

A consciousness of vitality of self, of the self being harmonious with the macrocosm.

Good / Evil

Good and evil are often taken to be two counter views and are believed not to co-exist. This unfortunately is a very simplistic outlook to a problem which has often confounded humans from times immemorial. The most evil of us are also known to show kindness towards the ones we like; even the most hardened criminal shows empathy for his or her kin. 

Good and evil are two sides of the same coin. Good cannot exist without the evil, evil cannot exist without the good. When we try and separate the two terms so as to make them independent of each-other, these loose the identity. According to the Vedanta philosophers, the difference between good and evil is not so much as of the 'kind' but more of the 'degree' (something which is similar to the difference between light and darkness, which in turn are often cited as an example for differentiating between good and evil... when there is absence of light, darkness is said to exist)

Something which appears to be good to one person may seem like evil to another or what appears to be good in one situation may be evil in another. Water, the giver of life can turn destructive and destroy everything in its path, if its energy is not harnessed. 

Who determines what is good and what is evil? Good and evil are determined by us, our minds; if it fulfills our needs and makes us feel satisfied, it is said to be good. If it is unable to do any good for us, it is termed as evil. It becomes essential for us to look at the 'big picture' or the 'whole picture' before we define something as good or evil. All of us are capable of both good and evil. 

All the religions of the world have varying definitions for the concepts of good and evil. According to Buddhism, good is the fundamental nature of enlightenment or the freedom which results from the knowledge of 'self'; evil is the delusion which human minds and hearts face causing a negation of the potential for enlightenment and suffering for self and others. 

According to the Hindu mythology, Lord Siva, had drunk the poison (which is meant to represent the evil of the world) in order to bring back the good in the world. Lord Siva is said to be the lord of death and destruction... but without the death can there be birth.. without destruction can there be synergy... No, without one the other is incomplete. Similarly, good and evil co-exist in nature.... the meek looking sparrow feeds on the insects.. making it evil? 

While Hitler has been disgraced as the most foul evil to walk the Earth, Asoka (a famed Indian king) has been celebrated as a great hero. The difference between the two... while former had not repented for his actions, the latter had... so is repentance is the key difference between good and evil.
I think not. The difference lies in realization and taking the responsibility of the actions taken. 

Raoul - Part 12

Earlier

Lyana looked at Raoul, hoping for a solution to spring to her mind which would help them out of the mess. She tried to speak, spread her hands and raising her shoulders shrugged indicating that she was out of any ideas or thoughts. Raoul looked at her with a pained expression, they both spoke at almost the same instant, 'Let's sleep on the problem, and may be we can reach some consensus.'

Morning the next day was not a cheerful one for both of them as the night before had been spent tossing and turning. Swollen eyed and irritated they both looked at each other across the dining table sipping on the morning cup of java.

Raising his eyes inquiringly Raoul asked Lyana, 'Well! any thoughts since I am out of these just like my cup of coffee.' Lyana smiled at the humour Raoul was trying to inject into the situation, after pondering fro some time, she spoke, 'Let's go and talk to him, I can't think of anything else.'

Nodding his head in agreement, Raoul quickly got dressed and after getting the kids ready for school, they both paid a much-needed visit to Lyana's cousin. The house was situated on the outskirts of the city, n area which at one time had shown promises of being a source of hope for the population and had caused a mad rush of humanity to the area, which had been due to the boom in the economy of the time. As soon as economy showed signs of slipping into an abyss, people who had invested in the hopes of building a future full of riches found themselves looking at their empty hands.

They all tried to hang onto the hope of a better tomorrow, grew bitter with a government which had shown them the promised land and had abandoned them to the market. They all moved out leaving the desolate houses waiting for their owners to come back. The buildings stood waiting, unmoving, giving in to the vagaries of the time, loosing their fight to stay cheerful, became areas of nefarious activities, welcoming whoever came to populate them, wishing that the occupants would restore them to their pristine level, surrendering to their defeat.

The area was now a safe haven for the floating population which is shirked by the larger society. Lyana's cousin had made a voluntary choice of becoming a part of the floating population in the idealistic dream of trying to uplift them. A dream which had often been the cause of much grief to his parents and family.

It was to this area that Raoul and Lyana had planned to go. They were both hoping that the fears gnawing at their insides would be baseless and they would not have to be the ones carrying the news which would cause more grief to the family.

Raoul - Part 11

Earlier
After sometime, Lyana called out to Raoul, ' Would you please stop moving around? It is very disturbing to say the least'. Raoul looked at her and replied, 'I'll be gone for a few minutes, would come back soon'. Lyana gave him a quizzical glance and asked him, 'Where are you off to?' Let's sit, try and work it out.' Raoul sighed and responded, 'I need to give both of us some breathing time. I'll be back and I promise... nothing stupid', ending the sentence with a half-hearted smile.

Lyana stood looking at the retreating back of Raoul. This was the first time in their marriage tat Raoul had walked out of the house during a confrontation.

Lyana sat down and thought hard about the day. Suddenly she realised that her cousin had borrowed the car for some time tat day telling her that it was an emergency which required that the car be utilized since the cousin's own car was in the garage. Since this had been something which was commonplace between the two of them, Lyana had happily agreed.

The cousin had returned the car after about two hours, specifically mentioning that the car's tank had been refilled, since it had seen too much mileage for the day. Lyana had taken it as part of the general inane conversations often shared by people in order to explain themselves and had not given it much importance.
She knew her cousin to have idealistic inclinations but had never imagined that it could ever translate into a criminalised approach to things.

Of late, for sure, their conversations had tended to get heated with her cousin loosing the cool and venting all the pent up frustrations for opportunities lost on the government. According to her cousin, all the problems being faced by the native of the country could e resolved if only the Government was more sympathetic. Their local culture and values were being degraded in the name of becoming modern and living up with the times.

Lyana was still going over the conversations between herself and the cousin when Raoul entered. He appeared calm and and at peace with himself. Lyana looked at him and asked her to sit down next to her. Raoul sat down, looked at her, Lyana spoke, 'It might have been possible that the car was indeed used in the attempted heist. It had been taken by my cousin for a short while, which had become a few hours. I did not pay much heed since I was busy with my friend and given the traffic these days, it did not seem out of place.'

Raoul leaped up from his seat, digging out his phone from the pocket. He was about the punch the speed-dial, when Lyana stopped him, 'If my cousin was involved, calling up to confirm would only result in being more conscious on the cousin's part. And, if it turns out to be not the case, we might just end up loosing a good friend.'

He gave it some thought, and kept the phone on the table in front. Spreading his hands, he questioned her, 'Okay, so what do you suggest?'

.....to be continued....

Raoul - Part 10

Earlier
Lyana stared at Raoul, all the colour drained from her face. She stood gaping at him. Raoul finally lost his battle against his anger and had features which were in a contrast to Lyana's. His eye were blazing and seemed to be boring through Lyana.

Lyana could not think of anything to speak of which would help her to understand what Raoul had been implying at. Regaining her composure after a long time, she asked Raoul, 'What do you mean my car was the get-away vehicle? Do you even understand the implications of what you are saying? You are accusing me of something which I have no knowledge of!!'

Raoul spread his hands and said, 'I am saying what I have got to know. There is a story I have been working  upon and I found out that the car used belonged to us. All I want to know is, how much is your involvement in everything.'

Raoul thought to himself, 'I had never thought that my mystery/ adventure story is going to turn into a family drama... ' Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he looked at Lyana for an answer.

Their eyes were locked for a long time, each trying to make sense of what was happening and not succeeding. Finally Lyana asked, 'When did this so called incident happen which somehow involves me?' 

Raoul was relieved, he had always known that Lyana could not do anything like this, but he still had to be sure that he had been right in the choices he had made. Raoul told her that it had been a couple of days back, the same day that she had asked for Amelia to look after the kids.

Lyana tried to recall the events of that day and what she had been doing that day. She concentrated on recalling the minutest of details, which given the tendency of her forgetting what she had for breakfast, was indeed a difficult task. Her brain worked over-time trying to re-play a movie of the day's events.

Raoul paced in the room, feeling it difficult to stay calm any more. After about five minutes of waiting he said, 'And... what have you been able to recall by now.' Lyana looked at him and relied with a surprised and hurt look, which conveyed that she did not expect Raoul to behave as he was.

Raoul recoiled from the look and told her to take her time and continued with his restless pacing.

..... to be continued...Raoul-11

Raoul - Part 9

Earlier
Pacing in the passage outside his office Raoul wracked his brain for a way out of the mess he seemed to have landed himself. He had lost the only clue he had, he had just barely been able to save the statue, he was staring at a possible loss of job not to mention a loss of professional credibility. He had to find a way out, at any cost.

His phone rang, he was elated when he noticed that it was  Ashraf. He skipped the greetings and asked Ahsraf if he had any good news. Ashraf replied, "Well! What do you think?"

Raoul said, "If I know you, you definitely have the information I had asked for!!"

Ashraf replied, "Oh ho.. I like the confidence you have in me. Hmm.. Well in that case, I should not disappoint you, I have found the details you had wanted. I had to do some major search, but you do know me, I nailed the damn thing."

Raoul said, "Don't let the curiosity get the better of the cat. Tell me what did you find out."

Ashraf replied jovially, "I found out that the car is registered in your name or rather in Lyana's name. Why in the world did you send me on a merry-go-round chase when it was you own car! Sometimes I really don't know what you are doing!!"

Raoul stood rooted to his spot, his mind racing ahead of him, questioning him, how could this be possible. Was it really possible that Lyana was involved? But why? Why would Lyana be involved in an attempted robbery?

He made up an excuse of trying to see if Ashraf was still the genius that he claims to be and disconnected to be gripped by the questions in his mind. He knew he had to reach home and ask Lyana the reason for the deception.

He slipped out and on reaching home, opened the door with his key. He called out to Lyana and recieved no reply; looking at his watch he realized that she must have gone to pick the kids from school. He sat down switching on the TV and absently watching the channels as he surfed from one channel to another trying to focus on what he had become aware of.

The door bell rang shortly announcing the return of Lyana with the kids in tow. Raoul tried to keep his nager and hurt under control and asked her in what he hoped was a normal voice, "Where have you been?"

Lyana replied, "I had gone to pick the kids and before that had gone to check up in that friend with whom I had been the day before. Why are you home so soon? Is everything okay?", concern obvious from her face.

Raoul ignored her questions and asked her, "That reminds me, how is your friend. Where does she live?"

Lyana unaware of the turmoil he was facing replied, "I did tell you that she stays with her mom at least for the time being with her marriage in trouble. She is doing better."

Raoul continued, "How did you spend the day?"

Lyana raised her eyebrows at the unexpected turn the questions were taking, but did not say anything, hoping it was just a way for her husband to distract his mind from the case he had been working upon. Se replied, "I was majorly home, but had got a call from the Society and had told them that I'd drop by, so had gone there before picking up the kids."

Raoul nodded his head and asked her, "Where were you on the day you had gone to meet your friend after dropping the kids at Aileen?"

Lyana stopped doing what she was doing, turned around and asked him, "What is it that you want to ask? Why don't you just ask it? Stop wavering."

Raoul said, "I am not wavering. I want to know where and how did you spend the day when you were supposed to be with your friend."

Lyana said, "I told you I had gone to her place and was there only...." Raoul interjected, his patience running thin, ".. and my car had decided to go to the Museum and be there. On its way it also picked up a passneger, or rather a driver to take it there."

Lyana said, "What are you speaking about? I have absolutely no idea. My car was with me for the whole day except when Azeez had come down to borrow it for some time. No harm in lending the car to my brother, is there?"

Raoul realxed hearing that it was not Lyana that was present in the car. He asked her, "Why did he need your car when he has his own? Why did you not tell me?"

Lyana flustered, "Well I did not know that I had to run everything by you before doing anything. Should I also require to ask if I can breathe?"

Raoul said, "Lyana, there was an attempt on stealing the 'Standing Buddha' statue from the museum and your car was used as the get-away vehicle."

.... to be continued... Raoul - 10

Raoul - Part 8

Earlier
Omar's face bore a shocked expression. He did not move for quite some time making Raoul feel all the more guilty about what he had done. Omar started to ask him something, went silent, and started again. He asked Raoul, 'What were you thinking? Why did you not tell me in the beginning, we could have taken preventive measures or you were after a story?'

One look at Raoul's face confirmed what Omar was accusing him of. Omar groaned, 'Allah! Don't show me such things in this age! I have worked hard for reaching where I am!'

Even though he was speaking to self, Raoul cringed when he heard the words and realised his mistake once again. He wanted to say something to assuage Omar, but was unable to find any words which could justify. He stood there, thinking of his folly, but he also knew that there was indeed a story in all of this, which would make it to the front pages. For once, he wanted to be selfish.

He forced himself to speak, 'Well, I will be honest. Yes. I did think of it from the point of view of the journalist  in me and no, I am not sorry for what I have done. Nothing was stolen, and you yourself have admitted that the security here is pretty lax. May be you can use this as a leverage for arranging better security arrangement, you know, shake up the bureaucracy a bit, no harm in that.'

Omar got thinking, 'What Raoul was saying was not entirely wrong and may be, just may be it could actually help me.' Relief spread over his face, Raoul picked up the subtle change in Omar's expressions and breathed a silent sigh of relief. He really did not want to loose out on the opportunity of coming to the 'crime scene' again.

Omar smiled, 'Hmm! May be that could actually work, but that does not mean that I am letting you go so easily. I would need you to work on this case and try to solve it as soon as possible. This is going to give me sleepless nights till then. I tell you, never in my working career has this kind of thing happened with me. Imagine, trying to steal in broad day light. What were they thinking?'  His confidence was increasing with each word he spoke as if hearing his own thoughts out loud was actually setting things right.

Raoul smiled inwardly to himself, thanking his stars that Omar still wanted him to work and that did actually solve his problem of gaining access to the museum. He assured Omar, 'Don't worry I do have a few other leads regarding the case and would definitely be tying up the ends very soon. I am this close', gesturing with his hands to indicate that he was indeed very close. 

He knew it was a bluff, but all he wanted right now was for Omar to believe him.

...to be continued...Raoul -9