Death. It has such a heaviness to it. It tends to bring people together. People are subdued near death...hushed tones...eyes averting contact.. staring at walls.. silent observations. The old have a look which says, 'waiting.. but living'.

People like me who are uneasy with PDE or public display of emotions (endangered species in India) try and get away with folding of hands but somehow that is not enough for old ladies. The all encompassing, all surrounding embrace seems to engulf you, accompanied with a wail and tears (?).
The immediate family moves closer looking for solace in each-other.

The wait lengthens, people get restless,  shift to more comfortable seating... move to places with 'friends'.. all looking for more private spaces. The voices get bolder.. topics shift from how and what happened to how are the children doing, any medical impending emergencies... with the person who has gone becoming an almost distant thought.

The wait takes longer. The talk shifts to more mundane things, 'kaamwali bai' nahi aayi.. suddenly a cellphone rings in someones pocket.. causing a shrillness which is jarring to the very core... hushed voice on the cell.. instructions about a child to be picked, a deal to be signed soon, a problem in the office.. bringing the living world back to the living.

The deceased body is readied; many a ritual are carried out.. the family moves with heavy hearts. Not a single eye is without tears.. women move near the body (may be because they are the nurturers)... men stand on the fringes.. letting the women carry out the rituals. May be women need a finality of things...

The grieving family endures few more rituals at the crematorium.. the wait is longer.. the people are suddenly quieter.. may be because the end is near.. there is an animated restlessness..

The final journey sees a role reversal.. women leave their positions as the sentries.. men carry the responsibility with a solemnity leaving the women on the fringes..

Any loudness.. sound or actions stands out.. irritating to watch.. somehow disturbing the solemness of the occasion. Sad.. tearful eyes.. hands folded... waiting.

More rituals.. more wait.. everyone seeks out shaded places.

The pyre is lit.. men move away.. a random thought.. a little heat disturbs us.. a small burn causes a reflex action..how about the person who is being burnt.. oh yes.. no feelings.. no sensations any more.. a promise of a better place..

The end is almost there.. phones suddenly remember their masters.. a ring here and there..Wait..

Family moves teary-eyed.. supported by friends.. hoping to learn to live with the loss.

Hoping.. Waiting..